Questionable Content strip by strip
This is the work of jwhouk. The most up to date version, with formatting, is at http://www.scribd.com/doc/32349451/Questionable-Content-Strip-by-Strip Questionable Content Strip-By-Strip As of August 20, 2010 1 Marten: "Hey, Pintsize, I'm Home." (Marten Reed, Pintsize the AnthroPC) T-shirt 2 What does Pintsize do when Marten's not home? 3 Steve and Marten at the bar (Faye enters in the background) 4 Faye introduces herself 5 Faye meets Pintsize: "OH MY GOD CUTEST THING EVAR!" 6 Faye: "I'm still right here, you know." (Gah, Dammit!) 7 Faye: "I don't NEED to fake it to look good" (meanwhile Steve is pwning Pintsize on the Playstation... because Pintsize has no thumbs.) 8 Pintsize: "Faye is nice. Is she going to be your girlfriend now?" 9 Sara the Barista scene at Coffee of Doom 10 Faye the Barista (!) [The first "specials of the day" we see on the board: Rockin' Latte, Black Metal Mocha, Emospresso, Electroclash Frappe; "Tip Us or We Will Kill Again"] 11 Pintsize: "Wait, I'm supposed to be HELPING?" (compare to 1292) 12 Phone call from Mom. 13 Faye's first punch 14 The Irony Café (advertise vegan food, serve steaks, lobsters & chicken) 15 Unhappy Vegan, Irony Café Server, and a fresh lobster... 16 Concert-Goers: · One-man Mosh Pit · Chatterboxes · Fashion Whore · Frontline Soldier 17 Faye's poop obsession 18 "No poo-poo on the pee-pee" 19 Roll of quarters. Laundry Night! Heh. (busted) 20 Pintsize's Cake Mix fetish 21 Head jokes give Marten a head-ache. 22 Faye burns down her apartment (with a toaster?) …and moves in with Marten 23 Sending her into little fits of hysteria is my way of saying "I love you." 24 The Very First QC GUEST STRIP (James Wheeler): Marten and Steve debate KOTR 25 New haircut, and sleeping arrangements... and Pintsize is earning Faye's wrath 26 Indie Cred and buying clothes at the Gap 27 Beating up Emo Bands 28 Faye discovers who Sara's "crush" is (oops, it's Marten!) 29 Sara: "That means I still have to work up the guts to ask him out." 30 Sara has an epiphany (and it's not Marten) 31 Comparing a CD seal to a bra? 32 "You're thinking of asking her out, aren't you." 33 Pintsize delivers the info on the QT. 34 You were spared something, perhaps? 35 The Alphabet Trick, an Apple Catalog, and a can of WD-40? 36 Painkillers and Faye's defenstration. 37 Jimbo The Redneck! 38 Get this party STARTED! 39 April Fools 2003 40 "I'll fall down otherwise." (Faye leans on Marten) 41 Faye falls down on the second couch and notices Marten's behind 42 Drink will make a girl say ridiculous things. 43 iPods vs. AnthroPC's (Pintsize LOVES "Crazy Train") 44 Pintsize doesn't do well with babies (tried to find the "off switch") 45 Apple Store Guy 46 Hot Topic Goth Chick gets Faye's wrath (Raven prototype?) 47 Two coffee spit-takes on two bodily function jokes! 48 Thanksgiving? No, they drive me insane. They drive me crazy. 49 Underwear Ninja! 50 Bra Pirate! 51 Final Fantasy's secret 52 Marten buys a guitar 53 Faye shows she knows her axes (learned from a guy in HS who was trying to get her nekkid – obviously not Kenny Wallace) 54 You're being sarcastic again, aren't you? 55 Marten's past (left behind friends and family to chase a girl, ended up "here") 56 Deerhoof and Pandas! 57 Faye makes a cake – and Pintsize lusts after it 58 "It was SO worth the massive motherboard damage." 59 Pintsize "backed up" 60 Pintsize's new chassis… 61 …which has a "LASER" (!) 62 "I don't want to have to register you with the Department of Defense..." 63 "I would NEVER... okay, so that was a total lie." 64 2nd Law of Sexual Dynamics ("If you think a girl is attracted to you, you are wrong.") 65 Sara tags along (and meets Steve) 66 Sara and Steve are getting along; Marten has "liquid testicles" 67 Faye breaks her glasses! 68 Magical Vision Fairies guided me. 69 She tests her depth perception the only way she knows how. 70 Existentialism and the AnthroPC 71 Nietzsche would have approved. (NIETZSCHE IS DEAD!) 72 Failure, Pavement and broke-up bands 73 Faye's killer death gas 74 Marten: "Whenever you say something nice about me, I always end up getting punched." 75 We meet Dora (and Dora already starts hitting on Marten) 76 Bearded Indie Boys (and Marten can't grow one) 77 Faye: "Heehee, she completely has a crush on you so bad." 78 Dora tells Mieville about the "dashing young man" she met 79 Marten: "Look, there is no way that Dora can possibly be interested in me." Faye: "I am certain there are plenty of girls who are attracted to you, and you just don't know it yet." (GIRLVANA!) 80 Who's cuter? (That is what a 404 error feels like.) 81 Faye: "I am looking forward to making coffees and sassing lascivious customers... Dora made (the DA) cry like a little boy." 82 Dora provides us with her first Specials of the Day note: WE ARE SURLY BECAUSE YOU SUCK! 83 Dora: "I might (be interested), were it not for a certain gal who is either being extremely protective of him or entertaining her own secret designs." 84 Dora hits on Marten. 85 Marten is "The Office Bitch". (It even says it on his business card.) 86 Scott, Marten's boss (name per Jeph); company is InsureTech – "We Are Better!" Company therapist is the bottle of bourbon Scott keeps in his desk 87 "Think with your heart, not with your (other body parts)." 88 Faye's ready to kick ass! 89 Faye covers herself 90 Pintsize walks on the ceiling. 91 Steve's coming over – and Pintsize gives Marten the least erotic hickey Faye's ever seen. 92 Pintsize wants to join in the boozing! 93 The first reference to Midnight Hobo bourbon (Winner gets the toilet, loser gets the sink!) 94 Steve mentions he's no longer seeing Sara (something about a cubist painting…) 95 Charlie Brown/Football reference FTW! (Faye being Lucy in this case…) 96 Faye reveals she's from Georgia (which explains the Southern accent when she's drunk) 97 So what made you move up north? "It was a buncha things, like my mom bein' all over-protective an' stuff." (ambiguous, semi-platonic statements) 98 Songs about lost pancakes 99 "You are as perceptive as I am drunk." 100 Marten accidentally walks in on Faye changing 101 Dora weighs in on this "accident" 102 Raven appears (still very gothy) 103 Dora's getting tired of the goth scene 104 Steve distracts Marten with his boxers! 105 Dora gets a gift from mom (Swedish "gift store"?) 106 Officially see name of the shop on the window (COFFEE OF DOOM) as Faye chases Dora through the store 107 Marten lays the sass down on Faye and Dora 108 Dora flashes Marten! (and we see Dora's tattoo) 109 "Lake of Fire Ass!" 110 Dora has to do laundry 111 Indie Rock Couplet! 112 CONTROL-ALT-DELETE! (doesn't seem to work for AnthroPC's) 113 Faye kidnaps Dora to have fun… 114 …and ends up locking her out of her apartment. 115 Dora meets Pintsize, and the Insult Wars begin anew 116 How to behave with a girl who's more metal than you 117 Sleeping arrangements 118 Pillow Talk between Dora and Faye (can't hear you zzzzz snoring so hard) 119 Faye snores! Dora Farts! ("I slept well.") 120 Admit a flaw, or punch you? 121 The LANpark (a dog-walk for AnthroPC's) 122 Ellninerr (L9R) gets a see-thru torso 123 Sigur Ros and AnthroPC owner chat 124 A near-reveal on the part of Faye – interrupted due to a laser blast 125 Robotic Annihilation Insurance 126 The Theory of Hipster Relativity! (The popularity of a band is directly inverse to the quality of its music; ergo, the best band in the world does not exist.) 127 Paying the rent or going to the mall? Mall wins! 128 Faye goes to the mall 129 Why Faye does not use contractions 130 …unless she's drunk. 131 Faye's scar 132 Dora and Raven 133 Dora visits Faye and Marten 134 Marten the D&D nerd in high school 135 GUEST STRIP (Stirling McLaughlin): Pintsize's JavaSmell 136 Some was caught staring at Martin's behind... 137 ...and Marten is totally oblivious! 138 Faye intends to convert Dora to Indie ways 139 The Lemon Dress 140 Daily Cleansing Rituals 141 Dora listens to Flaming Lips 142 Dora and Faye are having fun; Underwear Monopoly? 143 Dora got too much sun 144 "Mrs. Robinson" (Dora's 26) 145 "An 8600 in a stock chassis" (kind of AnthroPC that Pintsize is); Dora the computer nerdette 146 Kisses and butt grabs all around! (Not for Pintsize, though) 147 Faye freaks at Dora touching her bottom… just as Special Agent Turing drops by from the Robotics Defense Agency of the US Government. Turns out Pintsize is a M-31 Battlefield Robot Chassis accidentally sent to the local Best Buy 148 Faye shows her self-defense moves 149 Dora saves Pintsize by removing his laser 150 "Space Owl" attacked you! 151 Dora "knows" Alan Turing. They went to St. Agnes HS on Sunderland Street (in NoHo); she used to beat him up and take his cigarettes. 152 Pintsize hugs – and what he goes for when he's first turned on... 153 Sara's apparently still working at CoD (last mention by Dora) 154 Kentucky Bourbon Milkshake makes Faye sad… (reminds her of Dad) 155 GUEST STRIP (Sam Logan): So much for the dramatic reveal... 156 GUEST STRIP (Brian Carroll): Questionable Puppet Theater 157 GUEST STRIP (Neil Gustavson): Kimberly Miller, Dora's old Goth friend. 158 GUEST STRIP (Aido, Fallen Comic): Faye made a mistake – uploading Raffi songs onto Pintsize! 159 GUEST STRIP (John A, Scary Go Round): Faye and Marten go camping 160 GUEST STRIP (Julie Keene): Dora and Faye play music 161 Faye's parents' sex life; Marten's parents are: · Mom's a professional dominatrix; · Dad runs a gay nightclub. 162 …and she even has politicians as clients! 163 Pintsize's first CosPlay with hair! 164 Amanda shows up at CoD; Faye's little lesbian sister 165 How mom found out (yep, she walked in on them) 166 AND she swiped mom's credit card! "Did you know that your left ear twitches when you're contemplating tremendous violence? It's kinda cute." 167 Amanda meets Dora (who we discover is bisexual) 168 Steve gets filled in – and Amanda is driving Faye batty 169 Coffee Beans are not comfy. 170 Faye consoles Amanda... and Marten is tactful ("aerodynamically curvaceous") 171 Amanda' girlfriend turns out to be Lil' Sis from Diesel Sweeties! 172 "And I want my ##### Weezer poster back!" And just as Amanda was about to say when Faye last had a boyfriend! 173 Mom's on the phone! "She is more furious than a mother bear whose cub was just sold on eBay, but she does not hate you." 174 Sending her home, staying in the North, full body casts and paying the electric bill. 175 "Vespa into a stop sign" (is that foreshadowing?) 176 AnthroPC RPG: "Trolls and Flame Wars" 177 "I live to serve your self-esteem, oh radiant goddess of utmost beauty." (Ooh! Say that again, but do it without rolling your eyes this time.) 178 Arcade Fire's drummer guy 179 The Weeping Demon bar 180 Jimbo the Romance Novelist! 181 Faye slowly gets fall on the floor drunk while Jimbo and Marten catch up 182 Faye the Drunken Haiku Princess 183 Beeblebrox's Gambit and drunk-logic 184 "I been meanin' to thank you" ZzzzzazzzzzzzzzzZZZZZ 185 The BAM and PUKE incident. "There. Is. No. God." 186 What happened last night? "Gack... can't... breath... must... rephrase... poorly-worded... previous... sentence..." 187 Faye's "Dancing Alligator Underpants" 188 Dora: "...grant him unrestricted access to one of your orifices." 189 Pintsize: "It is hard to get a lady to evaluate to true." 190 HA! Using a contraction no less! 191 Ellen the waitress and Steve's "smooth moves" 192 No phone number for Steve; Schadenfreude and Hostess metaphors. 193 ...and Ellen outmaneuvers him! 194 GUEST STRIP (Rikk Estoban): Skull Panda 195 GUEST STRIP (Brian Carroll): Pintsize fails at uploading himself into Marten. 196 GUEST STRIP (Scott Bevan/Kent Earle): Indie Travelling Wilburys 197 GUEST STRIP (Jason Sigala): Jimbo takes over scripting QC! 198 GUEST STRIP (Yuko "Aido" Ota, Fallen): Pintsize mistakes a microwave for a time machine! 199 GUEST STRIP (Jim Burgess): Trolls and Flame-Wars again? 200 Steve ropes Marten into a double date… with Dora? 201 Faye: "Why is everyone staring at me?" 202 Dora's comment about "Faux Incest" 203 Faye cuts Marten's hair; "...Did you just use a contraction?" (Nathaniel Hawthorne costume?) 204 "...so all I had to do to gain your trust was place my physical appearance in your hands?" 205 "...This is DORA we're talking about. You may not make it out of the restaurant with your pants intact." 206 Faye: "That stupid toaster!" 207 Spaghetti and meatballs… and severe bleeding 208 Faye goes to the hospital (Faye WHITAKER). ER Nurse offers to get her an "intern for surrogate punching" 209 Doctor and the punching intern 210 Lollipops, stitches, and Pintsize COVERED IN RED? (Oh, just tomato sauce) "...I don't explode cats. It's way too difficult to coax them into the microwave." 211 GUEST STRIP (Stirling McLaughlin): Dora doesn't do AnthroPC's. 212 Pintsize has a "chemical spectrometer linked to a holding tank in his torso"… which then leaks out. 213 Faye needs help with her... jeans? 214 Why such tight clothing? 215 The Double Date 216 Old apartment number was "8" 217 Dora's apartment (first time we see her without black clothing!) 218 Ellen comments on Dora's "boyish figure" (Foot in mouth for an hors d'ourvere?) 219 Ellen majoring in Marine Biology, minor in philosophy ("reading Derrida to Moray Eels") 220 Faye gets a little testy 221 Ellen doesn't like sushi 222 The guys go to the bathroom together? 223 Steve kicks Marten under the table (sign: "Get out of here so I can get my mack on, or bad things will happen.") "I don't know how he got the scorpions in the mattress…" 224 Dora: "Did Ellen seem a little… young to you?" "…uh, not after next Tuesday…" (she's only 17) 225 Dora invites Marten in to her "lair" 226 Dora grills Marten about Faye 227 Saying Faye has issues is like saying Antarctica is slightly chilly. (Mieville sneaks into the scene) 228 "Doesn't being your friend give me ass-grabbing privileges?" 229 "Too nice for my own good." 230 Nuniverse! 231 Ellen "got into college early." Steve is "Honest, sweet, intelligent and completely crass." 232 Faye: "The Godless North" 233 Why didn't Dora do anything? 234 Cyber Cybersex (Pintsize and awesomePC1998) 235 Sorry I didn't mention about the age... 236 "You're so pathetic, some girl is bound to take pity on you eventually." 237 Dora: "I'm actually a platinum blonde!" 238 The OMG Turkeys make their debut! (2004) 239 Dora prefers being dark-haired, and it was a "just friends" date. 240 New ways of being retarded 241 The Mandatory Winger Reference ("She's only seventeen/she gives you love like you've never seen…") 242 Ellen stops by CoD 243 Shower massaging Faye 244 Moray Eels and Gag reflexes 245 Dora: "Helmet have been gentrified. Good Lord do I ever feel old right now." 246 Pintsize blows himself! ("These pipes are clean!") Marten: "I'm 0 for 1 in practicing what I preach." 247 Get people to pay to sneer at them 248 Natasha appears (Ellen's roommate) – "Being filthy is WAY hardcore!" 249 Ellen is six years younger (that means Steve is 24); Nat: "…Guitarist BLED on me!" 250 The seed of doubt… 251 Cute pouty girl Dora! 252 Marten's ex-GF Vicky shows up at COD! MARTEN'S BACKGROUND STORY: 253 Yes, he's from Cali 254 Happy Relationship Paranoia 255 Life altering decisions should not be made drunk 256 Sold his stuff for a place of his own 257 Dora: "No murdering customers in the store" 258 Faye gives Vicky a milk bath! 259 Milk Ninja! 260 Steve meets Natasha 261 Nat: "Hard to make out if his head pops off…" 262 She's a virgin 263 ConquistaPorn! 264 Faye the Avenger 265 Indie-rock band death pool! 266 Faye's Vision Quest 267 Pintsize catches a Virus 268 AnthroPC safety diagnostics; The virus might have wiped out his memory! [Note on the fridge: The ham is not for you!] 269 Personality Module loaded! (Aaaand he's back to normal...) 270 "I learned that it is never a good idea to download SNES ROM's off of shady websites." (Metayphysical discussion and AnthroPC's) 271 Faye goes shopping for glasses 272 "I wear glasses because I think they look nice... Sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar..." 273 Velma – the sex goddess? 274 She got him at "huh buh duh wha?" 275 Hobocore! 276 Marten majored in Music History & Critical Theory 277 Faye was the Art Major, emphasis in sculpture 278 Hasn't done "The Secret Booty-Dance" yet! 279 Raven turns Indie/Emo! 280 Movin', movin', movin'… 281 Pintsize wants a castle! 282 144 Dwight Street, Northampton (Ellen and Natasha's building) – too Friends-esque? 283 Steve's gotta see a girl about some food 284 Hiring Raven 285 Faye: "Never underestimate the diuretic powers of coffee." A customer actually speaks! 286 Doctor Seuss does emo 287 Marten meets Raven 288 Moving in 289 "I am the Hope diamond of hipster girls." (You mean you're cursed?) 290 "Cave of Twenty Asses" 291 Faye: "Are you sure you're not goth anymore?" 292 Marten: "Computer has more active love life than me." (Faye's drink of choice: "Midnight Hobo", mixed in old oil drums) 293 Dora: "Murder is not the answer. You always suggest that." (to Mieville) 294 Tolerance of a mole rat (Dora) 295 Blueberry Boat, Fiery Furnaces 296 Fun with Steve and Ellen (Murphy's Law of Sex) 297 Ellen is a bit noisy 298 Dora self-medicating with alcohol. Faye: "Ignore the fact that I am a pot calling your kettle-butt black…" 299 "Commiserating in you commissary"; Ridicule Hat! 300 The furtive Secret Booty Dance (278) 301 "It's so nice to be treated as an adult instead of some stupid teenager." (alcoholic porcupine) 302 Jerkcity poster in the kitchen! 303 Pintsize "gets laid"! Ellen: "The university has a couple of AnthroPC's for the library. They make fun of you if you try to get actual work done on them." 304 Ellen talks about Connect Four and Octopi; Marten: "I found Jesus. Turns out he was in the kitchen this whole time." 305 "You were joking?" 306 Southern Doom-metal, Eye candy, Emaciated Slide Rules and Flying Indie-boys in NASA 307 Faye's Scar – the explanation: Bad car accident, wrapped her car around a tree. Dora makes first obscure reference to Sven (her "older brother" dared her to moon a dog – and it bit her in the butt) 308 Outsarcasmed! 309 Promise to Faye 310 Duct Tape Pintsize! (Duct tape was supposed to be the "Fourth Law of Robotics") 311 Menstrual Discussion plan (when you became my friend); "$15.99 a month and you'll get the Digestive Issues Bulletin package!" 312 Apartment manager Lorena Torres 313 It's a corner apartment, lot of room and windows 314 Pintsize and a Great Dane 315 Apartment 25 316 Incontinent kitten: Endearing, but you don't want it on top of you. 317 Metal boyfriends, intelligence and the Socratic Method 318 Confusion, Lust and Uncertainty Triangle; Rhombus of Rejection! Or is it non-Euclidean Geometry? 319 Marten: "That's the cheat code to turn God Mode on." 320 Matin plumage! 321 GUEST STRIP (Mitch Clem): Rap's been getting pretty big in Indie Circles lately. 322 The Aloof Sneer of the Alpha Female Indie Chick 323 "Do you ever wonder how much of this stuff people actually enjoy, and how much they just think they like because PitchFork or whoever says it was good?" 324 "Nappy McTurtleneck", the Pretentious Record Store Dude 325 Raven's Specials (and Sara makes one last "appearance" – doesn't like Allosaurs?) 326 Gepetto Cafe 327 Equipose and a Southern Faux Pas 328 Sven meets Raven; talk about a Sadomasochistic Hockey League? (The dog that bit Dora in the butt was Mrs. Goldstein's chihuahua.) 329 Faye meets Sven; Dora's mom is Swedish, dad is Italian; dad wanted to name him Joseph after his uncle, but she overruled him. 330 Sven's county music songwriting skillz: · "You Stole My Heart, You Stole My Dog, But You Ain't Gonna Steal My Chevy" · "Me an' You and a Gun Rack For Two" · "Red Neck, White Truck, Blue Jeans" 331 Faye sees Raven's drawings 332 Indie Cred – Marten vs. Sven 333 Faye babysits "Trainee McUselessPants" Raven 334 Faye: "YOU. ARE. NOT. FLIRTING. WITH MARTEN." 335 Emo Dora (Baby Harp Seal on a Down Pillow; Stab Faye?) 336 Faye's called on her bitchiness! 337 Vivanca (Sven's latest conquest); Dora: "NO MORE HITTING ON MY FRIENDS!" (Sven's a year older than Dora) "Jenny Ackerman stopped talking to me in the 11th grade!" Sven: "She spent the 12th grade in the back of my car…" 338 Doing the Robot thing (The contractions disappear when Faye's upset) 339 awesomePC1998 wasn't a lady, he was all MAN, man! (sorry, Pintsize…) 340 Faye: Shoot me now before I metaphor again! (Faye goes emo!) 341 Caveat Amplexus. 342 Marten: "Really? Sweet, let's bang!" 343 Raven really was cowering in back. And ignore those phone calls from PETA. 344 Brainful o'Issues with new Oedipal Marshmallow bits! Nietzsche O's – one bite and you'll believe God is dead. 345 Back to her usual sassy self... but no hugs. 346 The concept of a little gay robot couple is unbearably adorable. 347 Gender is set in software itself of APC's; Faye is on "coitus hiatus." 348 "Fiery electromagnetic Destroyosaurs" 349 Moping and power ballads! 350 Faye is having body issues; Faye: "There are no save points when it comes to ladies." 351 "I must not laugh. Laughter is the Marten killer…" 352 Faye splits seams 353 Chubby Emo Butt 354 "Aww, you'd martyr yourself for the sake of my self-esteem? How sweet." 355 Faye: "Marten, are you gay?" Marten: "Not last time I checked, no." Faye (to mom): "The Peaches are NOT RIPE." Server: "Kidnapping desert with assault and battery sprinkles" 356 Ellen is "propositioned by a porpoise" (okay, actually a dolphin) 357 Raven changes (again) 358 Faye gets ironic 359 Café Bang-bang (new Tapas place on Elm) 360 Customer hits on Dora; "Reflexive Tense Misuse!" 361 Horribly Off-Key Street Musician (playing Dylan badly and drinking Mad Dog 20/20) 362 Guys hitting on Dora 363 Raven makes a near fatal mistake: Surprise Hug and Tickle Attack! 364 Faye apologizes for flipping Raven? (Dora and Raven tag tickle her!) 365 Faye is the porchlight to Marten's Moth. 366 Waiter at Café Bang-bang is Amir! Nat recognized him; she kicked his tooth out at a concert. 367 Hardcore vs. Indie concerts 368 Apocalyptica and covers of other bands with different instruments 369 Ice Cream Indie Metaphor. 370 "Dora Fro!" Raven's hair gel is… AstroGlide? 371 Mandatory "Head Banging" pun. 372 Lubey Junk 373 What the tip jar is for (Pizza!); Red Period, Blue Period 374 Pizza Girl to the rescue! (Penelope?) Dora and Marten's "matching" hairstyle 375 Customer – the "prototype" for Angus? 376 Blodwyn Raven (Pritchard; Raven hates her first name); Welsh for "girl who gets made fun of all the time" 377 Dora sets up her server for Marten 378 Marten gets ASSertive with Faye! …and a fractured skull 379 Five Fingers of Death! 380 "Cynical, calculating and sexy." 381 Life condensed by cardboard (moving out of the Blue Apartment) 382 "Solid Snake" reference; It's illegal to put AnthroPC's up for sale online, like toxic waste and nukes 383 Last night on this couch? Oh, that's right… I can haz bed plz? 384 You don't ask Pintsize to help move. 385 The tight terrycloth shorts. 386 Dora: "You know how animals can sense a tsunami before it hits? I'm like that with sexy things." 387 "Sonic hip attack!" 388 Moving in and "the motor oil incident" 389 Not much to move (Esoteric monks who brew their own beer) 390 Do you REALLY want Natasha in your apartment? 391 "You're starting to think like a woman!" 392 Ellen rips on Nat behind her back to Amir (makes up for 260) 393 Marten: "Arranging furniture is easy when you're fortified with alcohol." Steve "deflowered their lavatory" 394 Ellen doesn't do Indie 395 Steve's dad has been married and divorced what, four times? 396 Get a BED! 397 Mieville peed in Dora's sneakers 398 Dora: "…you could always start sleeping with Marten… I'll start sleeping with him, you take my bed." Mieville bites toes while asleep 399 Pizza Girl orders a Double Mocha; "Is the Chinese Delivery Man spreading lies about me again?" (Stan Lee is spinning in his grave – if he wasn't still alive) 400 Successful mattress shopping; "Oh, sure, and the Declaration of Independence might have implied that the colonists were slightly miffed with King George." 401 Pintsize hiding from bed delivery guys; "They think I assassinated Kennedy… the MTV VeeJay." 402 Pintsize's "list" (#472 is his favorite) 403 Rabbit Food and Viking Berserkers 404 Faye uses the phone number of the Gay Nightclub on Pleasant as a "fake" 405 GUEST STRIP (Little Gamers): Marten talks to the carafe? 406 GUEST STRIP (Scott Bevan & Kent Earle): Took the wrong nuts. 407 GUEST STRIP (Kidnemo): OMG ZOMBIES! 408 GUEST STRIP (Jason Sigala): Jimbo's at it again (Dora/Amanda slashfic!) 409 GUEST STRIP (Mitch Klem): Dream, dream, dream on (Though that middle one sounds plausible…) 410 Raven's Tattoo (Kanji for "Princess") 411 Faye is the dragon protecting Marten's Castle (especially if she's had Indian food) 412 Pintsize goes British! 413 Dora comes over [Note on door: DANGER: OUTSIDE WORLD LIES BEYOND THIS DOOR] 414 How much is Pintsize being goofy, and how much is it really a commentary on US society? 415 Dora takes his bowler hat; "Guard your Bosoms" (which Dora does for Faye!) 416 Dora: "…We like the fact that we can actually horse around with you a little bit without having to fear for our lives."; and then, Marten realizes something… 417 Faye decides to decorate her room; Pintsize: "Dear God, Martha Stewart's blood must never be shed or it will usher in the Apocalypse! 418 "Ladies HATE the voice of reason." 419 Venti Schmenti; they charge a 15% markup for BS faux authentic terms (Dora still has the bowler on, by the way) "We cater to people who like their coffee strong, fair trade and free of soulless corporate pretension. Also through threats and sexy intimidation." 420 Dora's day-glo pink shirt and Mythic Slaughterbeast on the sound system ("Tolkien on PCP") 421 Tube-top Dora; Raven? Getting PAINT? (Interior Design Major?) This is all a dream, right, Faye? 422 Got the paint, but what about the rollers and drop cloths? 423 Raven's lime-green VW Beetle – graduation present from her parents; they're from Houston. Dad's a rocket scientist and Mom's a physicist. She worked at Wal-Mart one summer (and hated it) 424 Shop like Puritans have sex; Raven likes to BEEP! 425 Raven didn't BEEP, and Faye didn't have a bra on when Marten came in! 426 Raven succumbs to the fumes (or is she speaking in tongues?) 427 AnthroPC housewarming party! "I'm not feeling well, I'm gonna go get some tech support." WHAT? 428 AnthroPC jokes! 429 End of the Robodebauchery. Parent who can turn your power switch off. 430 $400 in cash from the robots! 431 Faye (with headscarf): "Marten, there's a satanic librarian at the door; should I let her in or throw some Holy Water while shouting some Hail Marys?" Marten's Mom:"Marty's dad's lawyer tried to do that. I still won the divorce proceedings." 432 Business convention (in Northampton???); his mom called him in sick from work for a week for eating "questionable shellfish" (that might "come up again"). Run-in with child services when he took her bondage gear in for show and tell… Faye's mom just told her dad that she only got to "second base" with Richie Wilson in dad's car… 433 "Miss Reed"; Dad's sock drawer had "Marine Manwich" 434 Dad's name: Henry Reed, owns a nightclub in Miami; theirs was a marriage of convenience. He's been seeing with a "Marcel" for the last couple of years (oops… maybe mom forgot it was "Maurice"?) 435 Dora recognizes Marten's Mom: VERONICA VANCE! "Queen of Bondage and Fetish Erotica for like fifteen years! Like a nouveau Bettie Page." "Oh man, I've seen Marten's mom naked!" (Katamari Damacy theme!) 436 "LUKE! I AM YOUR SISTAH!" 437 "Bumbling Sweetheart" from Dad 438 Explains Marty & Faye's relationship 439 Lunch with Mom 440 Dora lunch, Faye Dinner 441 Phone set on vibrate... and it was your father, Marty. 442 Dora's from Northampton; used to live in Florida for a while. Marty's been emasculated by a cat? 443 Harem of intelligent hot girls! 444 Raven gets sarcastic 445 The repartee between Dora and Faye ("I'd take your skinny ass out!") 446 Faye has issues over Marty's mom 447 Mom's verdict: Dora's a sweetheart, Faye's your type. Jenny Smith beat him up in Kindergarten… and what's Pintsize doing with a gimp mask? 448 Marten: glorified Kinko's employee 449 Costume party for AnthroPC's? 450 Decorating COD; "Badger to the face" And Therapy. 451 Raven returns with comfy chairs! 452 Bonus points for liking Slayer, but "weird, idiosyncratic pop" doesn't do it for Dora. And start fanning. 453 Woody Allen like Buddha? All life isn't suffering! 454 Raven: "I just figured you were a bitch!" Faye: "I had a nervous breakdown… …the scar was from a car accident. …I had the nervous breakdown while driving the car…" 455 Mom comes in. 456 Delicious Muscle Tissue! (And suddenly, mom's a Vegan.) 457 Steven Tyler (lead singer for Aerosmith) hit on Marten's mom? "Grouper with a bad haircut and a coke habit." 458 Faye's a sculptor. Just moved up here a few months ago (comic time; roughly a couple of months before strip #1) 459 Mom threatens Faye on the order of Hieronymus Bosch 460 Printing her memoirs… Big royalty checks or booty calls? 461 Yes, Veronica is her first name. 462 So, you want to hear the story of my mental breakdown? (NO! – too bad, you will in 38 strips) 463 Pintsize: "I RETURN VICTORIOUS AT EVEN PLANCK-LENGTH SCALE!" 464 Using his torso for a cereal bowl? 465 Marten doesn't smoke and hates Katamari. Yellingaboutmusic.blogspot.com Pintsize's arms are "all contained-field magnetics." 466 Marten Bloggorz! 467 Raven's a pot head! 468 Laptop and a broadsword behind the counter at COD. 469 Funny hat day! 470 Ellen broke up with Steve. "Too clingy." 471 Ellen's crying 472 Steve's drunken binge 473 "Dude, I am trying to be your friend here but from what I can tell you've made a class-A dumbass of yourself." 474 The Tequila Monster! 475 GUEST STRIP (Jamie McGarry, Lunchbreak Toons) A Chilling Vision of the Future (Baby Pintsize?) 476 Bastard Offspring of a distillery and a paper mill 477 Li'l Stevie Ray Vaughn! 478 Ellen: "Can't stalk him with my courseload." 479 Downloading songs "illegally"; DON'T MENTION THE KILLERS! 480 Ellen: "So, Marten… got any other cute friends?" Dora: "Heh, she has no idea how close to death she came." Faye: "I. DON'T. KNOW. WHAT YOU'RE. TALKING. ABOUT!" (as she's got her hands clenched to grab Ellen by the throat) 481 Marriage: "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here!" (Mawwage! Twue Wuv!) 482 Dora: "Can't you hipster kids enjoy any''thing without being concerned about its cultural trappings?" 483 Ben & Jerry's, Bad Horror Movies and Booze at Bianchi's! 484 Faye's gonna be left all alone (Raven counts as "all alone"); Faye doesn't do heels ("awkward, wobbly and you know it can only end in tears"). 485 Nat and Amir form a band! (And rope Marten into joining!) 486 Practice space over on Ward Avenue 487 Shirley Temples get Raven drunk (and topless?) 488 Raven becomes a therapist? 489 Oops, Raven lives on the other side of Main Street! 490 Raven meets Pintsize 491 "Let's Bang!" (again) 492 Nude Monkeys and shooting things from volcanoes... 493 Mieville vs. Raven (Mieville wins!) 494 Raven's trapped by Mieville at Dora's place (Faye: "The EMT had a cute butt.") 495 Raven's not inhibited! (grabbing Marten's ass?) 496 Raven passed out on Dora's couch. 497 Naughty thoughts of Raven! 498 OMG Turkeys 2005! (their second appearance) 499 Indie Bands devolve into the Grateful Dead as they age 'THE TALK' 500 Faye: "Marty? Do you like me?" 501 "I can't be your Object of Affection…" 502 Dad and Faye were very close; killed Kenny Wallace's goldfish in fifth grade; Kenny Wallace took her virginity in 12th grade in a Buick (Marten's was in a VW Golf) 503 The Whitaker Clan (Faye, Dad, Mom, Amanda); memories of the bourbon in the Milkshake, the secret they shared. '504 What happened to dad on that one morning. ''' 505 The aftermath. 506 The nervous breakdown. 507 Up to date; this all happened two years ago (Faye moved up to NoHo about 8 months ago, ST); she never finished college 508 Why she can't be in a relationship. "If trauma were that easily dealt with, psychologists would work pro bono." 509 Marten says his piece 510 Pintsize in the freezer with waffles. Mmm, waffles. 511 Dora gets the condensed version of the talk. (Davin and PeeJee from Something Positive cameo in the background) "YOU IDIOT!... we don't need more skinny cute homo men!" 512 Marten: "Faye and I had a chat." Steve: "I'll get my coat." 513 Jimbo returns 514 Jenny runs away SCREAMING 515 So drunk, Marten doesn't realize he's peeing in the ladies room… Much to Hannelore's amusement (and she's smokin' ''in the girls' room!; You can tell she has circles under her eyes) 516 Ladies Night at the Purple Opossum – Sven's Weekly Acoustic set 517 Hanners: "I haven't slept in four days… counting the hairs on her head. Got up to 10,456" Hot chick to overtly crazy. 518 Corey Hart (and confusing Raven) 519 Raven shows Sven her "appreciation" 520 Hannelore: Severe OCD; been in therapy since she was 11. Steve: "Captain Manbitch of the SS Whipped". Hanners' Homicidal tendencies side comes out; Praying Mantis 521 The puke and man-butt story. Hanners invites him to play Scrabble. (Sex? Her? NO! Eww!) "Scrabble Roofies!" "Having you spelling ''MURMULE, BURNGSU and RMNXTW in no time! 522 Isaac Brock was a cranky little biatch to Sven. "Dora's giving me her no look. You do not mess with Dora's no ''look." (Tried to do Indie music: "Met You In A Coffee Shop") 523 She counts stuff. Two strangest: Grains of sand and a husband's back hairs. 524 Pintsize ESCAPES from the Freezer! Mutant Ice Powers? 525 Marten: "Wait, you live here?" Hanners: "…unless I've been STALKING YOU!... Your resignation is creepier than my poor taste in humor." 526 2006 Sven offers to keep Faye OCCUPIED. If she's out, can't you move in? 527 Minimalist interior to her apartment; WINSLOW! AnthroPC by Apple, looks like a talking oversized iPod; Pintsize keeps logging in to my Ethernet and taunting him with Horse porn. 528 Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. Marten: "Uh, how'd you know my last name?... Let me go get Faye's Tazer…" 529 "Immobilize Crazy Girl setting?" Creepy stalker girl! '''SHZZAP! '(Pintsize: "I don't know who you are, but I like your style!") 530 GUEST STRIP (Zach, Animals Have Problems): How to Rip Off QC 531 Midnight Hobos for Faye; Raven "beamed her number to Sven using her mind" (The psychic equivalent of a broken 14.4 modem) 532 (Hey, they have a ceiling fan!) Hanners on the couch! Hanners on the couch! …and Faye shows up. Explanation, yes. Rational, not so much. 533 First girl you bring home… …''you're'' the one who vacuums at 4 in the morning. Marten: "If irony were water, this apartment would be Lake Michigan." 534 Marten: "My life is weird." 535 Faye powered by CAFFEINE! Better off "laughing at it." 536 Raven encourages Dora to set the TRAP! 537 Faye deconstructs the true meaning of any classic rock tune. "I'm like the Oracle of Delphi, only dirtier and less cryptic." 538 We see Dora's tattoo… and Mieville (who finally gets a name in this strip) is high on catnip. 539 Faye: "Okay, now Old Faye would pummel one of you until you confessed to whatever you're scheming..." Dora: "She's got fewer calories but just as much body as the original." 540 Indonesian Fighting Spoon! Malaysian Battle Spatula! Dora: "I'm Here For You." 541 That Raccoon! (scared Faye by back dumpster) "I could lop off a hand with that thing! (spatula)"; while everyone's distracted, Raven encourages Marten to go for Dora 542 Marten and Dora – go get lunch! Faye – go look for a therapist! Raven – is a taskmaster! 543 As Marten and Dora walk the streets of Northampton, who's that in the background – Jeph and Cristi Jacques? (Meanwhile, Marten needs breath mints and a helmet.) 544 Hanners visits COD for the first time; Faye asks her for therapist suggestions 545 Double Entendre Jokes (Hurr hurr, swordfights) 546 Hanners little doll of Marten! (Voodoo doll? "If I say no does it mean I get to now?" 547 Marten's a giant panda; dating lives of the Olympic Pantheon 548 Is it "Proportionally endowed?" (Restroom of DOOM! sign in background) 549 Dora: "Oooh, gonna play rock star?" (Dora sits in Marty's Lap – much to Faye and Marten's surprise) 550 Marten: "What's the best way to piss off an indie rock snob? Actually enjoy music." 551 Faye: "I'd thank you if I thought you were being the slightest bit altruistic." 552 MAD ROBO-BEATBOXING SKILLZ! 553 The Rehearsal Space 554 15 Year Anthem, The Alan Sparhawk Project – no. DEATHMØLE! 555 Dora and Faye drag Hanners out of her apartment. 556 Hanners is in Apartment 36 (Faye & Marten are in 26?) 557 Hanners gives Faye the number of her Therapist; Dora: "It kisses the boy or it gets the hose again!" 558 Hannelore falls asleep on the couch THE PLOT BEGINS... 559 "It is a very good thing there's nobody around to see my crafty little grin, because I am utterly failing to conceal it." – Dora Bianchi 560 Black trench coats and black hoodies – reproducing asexually? 561 Blue-hair Diner Waitress (and Jeph cheap-shots Australians) 562 Raven's stretch marks are the Frosh 15+; both of them went through the World-hating phase; Raven dieted and got boys to notice her. Dora: "I'm just as angsty as I used to be. I just try to hide it more now." Marten: "Welcome to the club..." 563 Up on the roof (carcass jokes) 564 SHE KISSES THE BOY! ''' 565 A real Dora kiss is roughly 11 times more discombobulating. "If you don't want it, we can... Now... what about Faye? (No Necro makeouts!) 566 Marten tells Faye the truth (at four in the morning)... which she suspected 567 THE BITCH IS GONNA HAVE TO EARN IT. 568 TWO FRIGGIN DAYS??? "Figurative" loose leaf paper. 569 Treat him right and don't steal him away from me entirely... Think I'll be off to Savannah (GA) for a few days... Faye: "It's like talkin' about blowjobs with your mom." Dora: "Please never use those two words in the same sentence ever again." 570 Hanners wakes up 571 Pintsize was in... ''Mexico? 572 Raven Celebrates! 573 Pintsize gives Marten his condoms (SPERMICIDAL?) 574 Faye is greeted with COFFEE! 575 Steve & Ellen (wow, they're still a couple?) find out about Marty 576 Want you to be happy and stuff AND punch your lungs out the back of your ribcage 577 And then, he woke up... "That is NOT funny!" 578 Where he tried to stick Lil' Stevie last night... 579 Dora: "He and I are both pretty bony." Raven: "Haha! I BET you are." 580 Goin' home to yell at dad. 581 Cinderblock on the toilet seat (Pintsize tried to stow away) 582 Dora with the "Indie Librarian" look; Makeout sex before Trips? RAVEN! You're NOT HELPING. 583 No last-minute makeouts; Raven doesn't get the appeal of Axe. 584 Amanda meets Faye at SAV (Savannah International) 585 Mom Whitaker! Faye's favorite: BLT on toast with Potato Salad and Sweet Tea. "When Bob Creedy's dog bit you, you polished off a box of donuts..." "The bellyache from the donuts hurt more than the stitches." 586 Dora's in his lap again. 587 "Oh, that was easy. I just put out first." MOM! 588 Seein' a shrink. "Crazier than a mule on a Ferris Wheel" 589 The Protocol of Coffee of Doom 590 Pintsize and Winslow fill Hanners in 591 Mom – You have no idea why? "LOVING HUSBAND, DEVOTED FATHER, F###ING IDIOT." 592 Happy Dora Grin – and the Freaking Out Dora Grimace 593 Helpful Hannelore (Sock drawer?); Pizza with even number of toppings. Winslow: "Math is delicious!" 594 Makeout Hobo! David Lee Roth and the Buddha 595 Aunt Bettie thinks you're going to Hell; Amanda is NOT "lez" because of Dad; Mom is on anti-anxiety pills 596 Some jokes come off as creepy, even if you don't mean it? "I'm going to smile and nod..." 597 Mom won't remarry 598 Turn off Pintsize, just to be safe 599 Farts and Sex 600 Threesomes are a lot like Communism – they're a great idea on paper, but in reality they rarely work well. 601 Goin' to the cemetery 602 Root for the psychopath in the hockey mask; "You know how if you feed a starving person too much too fast, they die of shock? I'm like that, only with romance." 603 Dora's Relationship Checklist: "Hey, you only need to have that kink sprung on you ONCE before you start asking in advance!" 604 Uh, can we NOT have sex? 605 Faye visits dad. (next to a James and Julia DOWSON) 606 They slept together (but no sex). 607 Marten: "I'm basking in the moment." Blonde Waitress has heard this before. 608 Dora: "Part of me is the happiest girl in the world... but another part thinks I'm a horrible bitch..." 609 Self-medicate with unhealthy food and capitalism. GET ME TO A SONIC! Marty has enough uteruses in his life. 610 Assertive as a Manatee on codeine 611 AnthroPC Party! (Poor Hanners!) 612 The aftermath of the party (and Marten's first warning about Hanner's tendency to flail around when she freaks out); "I'll go put on my bike helmet." 613 Dora's Worry (Her over you? No, gladiatorial death-match) 614 Faye's Worry (Going back to Massachusetts? Actually, no...) 615 Marty: I NEED TO STAY OUT OF MY APARTMENT. 616 Islands? "I'm just waiting for the right moment to jump in with a peninsula joke." with a scone in it; Scone with a cookie in it; Your ### with a hamster in it 617 Cornbread! Amanda's the "sane" daughter… but Faye's punches STILL HURT. "Uncle Danny still falls for it!" (The fake crying trick) 618 "Same plumage" 619 Ellen (while on Steve's lap) tells about Natasha's drinking, Amir's "too f### to drunk" 620 Oh yeah, that's right, he's employed. (Why not find a new one?) 621 Raven volunteers to pick up Faye at the airport! (Pay her by the hour, it's cheaper) 622 Dora: "I promise I'll be good and let you get some sleep." Marten: "I think that would entail at least one of us being in restraints." 623 Faye's on her way home! (…and suddenly she's drinking again.) 624 Scott (to Marten): "Welcome back! You're fired!" Scott's off to Spain, Ibiza w/boyfriend 625 Raven does the crying trick to get out of a ticket. Get the sodium pentothal and rope! 626 Josh from Marketing starting a Mailroom Cart Racing League! 627 CoD gets the news: He's unemployed. 628 Faye is hoisted by her own gag reflex joke petard! 629 Hanners puts extra RAM in Pintsize (like giving a three-year old a can of Red Bull) PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE! 630 Instead of epees we use Smartassery! 631 THERE'S A KATYDID IN MY BURRITO! 632 Living in the future, and Hanners is scrubbing off a layer or two of skin (again) 633 Real Dolls with AI? 634 Dora Dreams of Mark McGwire (while Marten dreams of a comfy chair) 635 Smoking, OCD and Marten's Couch 636 Hummers, or $30 grand for a song? 637 Surprise, surprise: Hanners likes Bach. 638 "Raven Pritchard thinks you're a hottie!" (gives Sven her "card") 639 AnthroPC Message Board with photos of Owners in Compromising Positions; he got served by Hillary Rodham Clinton! 640 Sven's a "pack of Oreos" 641 Whiskey on the job 642 DEATHBOT 9000! 643 DEATHBOT MET WIL WHEATON ONCE! DEATHBOT HAS INTERNET GIRLFRIEND FROM CANADA! 644 Jimbo's new venture 645 Reverse alcoholism? 646 Pintsize modded the couch! 647 CONDOMS???? 648 Faye dreads her first session with the therapist 649 Dr. Corrine Buenvenida; Lobotomy jokes! 650 Coffee of Doom is Busy! Where's Raven? (Angus first appearance?) That's not her! "Bigger Boobs, people!" 651 The Sass Talk Pulls 'Em In! (Customer points out review in local indie rag) "Bitchy Barista Babes Brandish A Bevy of Breathtaking Bean Blends" Dora: "This must be what Mark Hamill feels like at Sci-fi conventions" 652 Faye tells Dr. Corrine about Dad. Rorschach: "NO SARCASM PLEASE" 653 They found Raven (with a McPedro from Girls With Slingshots ''T-Shirt?) Customer: "I'm here for the indifference as much as the espresso." 654 We're the new "hip/not hip place to fulfill your caffeine jones"… Raven: "…Faye's been laughing maniacally for ten minutes now…" 655 Faye at her WORST! Dora's never seen as many tear-stained dollar bills since her dad hired a stripper for her Uncle's funeral 656 The Insult Vampire; Marten comes in; "…I ''WILL turn the hose on you." 657 CoD – now hiring? 658 Nat & Amir visit CoD; Campus library is hiring! Nat: "caught passed out topless on the copy machine… and apparently went through a ream of paper…" 659 "Hot Goth Booty in the Coffee Shop" 660 Pintsize and molesting Nat's keyboard? "Sexist towards musical instruments" 661 Therapy went well; Joy of Self-stimulation? Gary Coleman slashfic??? 662 GUEST STRIP (Scott and Kent, White Ninja): Pintsize TMNT? 663 Hanners Hacks Her Hair; "Therapy Sisters!" "…We should have seen it coming." 664 Deathmøle and Unicorns! 665 Faye trims Hanners, who cuts to the chase about her family: · Both parents massively wealthy, hate each other · Mom has estates all over the world · Dad spends most of his time on the space station (WHA? "He has his own space station. That's actually where I grew up. I came down here because super-intelligent orbital defense satellites are good for casual conversation but (not much for) useful therapy." · Crazy as hell and richer than the average Saudi prince and from ''friggin SPACE!' '666 "I've been waiting three years for this strip!" - Jeph' 667 Nat smells… ''earthy 668 Pintsize and Winslow, alone again; Equal Rights for Robots! "What, and have RESPONSIBILITY?" 669 Wait, if you have bad OCD, why ear piercings and smoking? "A girl has to have some glaring contradictions in her life." Meanwhile, Sven's cornered in the men's room at the pub! 670 GUEST STRIP (Chris Hastings and Kent Archer): Pintsize is cruel with CD jackets 671 GUEST STRIP (Julie Keene): Dora's Day Off! (and a subtle visit to Starbucks) 672 GUEST STRIP (Jason Sigala): Raven's a Robot! 673 GUEST STRIP (Jim Burgess): Indiana Pintsize saves the day! 674 GUEST STRIP (Ryan North & Liz Greenfield): Dinosaur and The End Of QC (Yeah, right) 675 GUEST STRIP (Kidnemo): Oops, Marten overdid it.. 676 Marten gets a shove from Sven (SBV, the greatest bar game of all – the S###ty Bar Videogame!) Marten breaks out the Wang jokes! 677 Are you hitting on me? You're not very good at this. 678 Genevieve is her name; "Light fuse and get away" 679 "I've got that bastard cornered now." Faye: "…house cat staring down a bengal tiger." 680 Meh, he's not worth it. Sven, meanwhile, sneaks out through the window… to Faye saying, "…Betcha I do." 681 GUEST STRIP (Lem, Bunny): What if Pintsize ran Coffee of Doom? 682 DRAGGING MARTEN INTO IT! (Knuckle crack #1) "Dumpsters six blocks apart!" 683 Inept Indie-boy ways. (O'Surly's Pub; name on wall) Recursive vomiting; "So Sven makes you HORNY?" 684 Sven "apologizes to Genevieve (Knuckle crack #2) "A for effort, B for beatings." 685 "Some drunk hipster chick on a Vespa plowed straight into me." O'Surly's bartender (female): "Sorry, last call"; Karma's a bitch. 686 Sven: "The new era has been postponed until tomorrow." (Blonde ER Nurse) 687 Marten's job search begins 688 CoD hiring (part 2) 689 Cayenne Coffee! 690 Faye tells Dora about Sven, Gen and Marty; Dora explains: "coasts by on charms and good looks… he needs a girl like you to beat some sense into him." (Raven: you handle the beatings, I'll handle the sexing!) YOU ARE NOT TAG-TEAMING MY BROTHER! 691 Tai the Librarian; Smith College Williston Library; "Is there a reason why (the application) is written in iambic pentameter?" YOU'RE HIRED! (Librarian humor) 692 He got a job! (Bartending at a convent?) 693 Faye's not jealous, she just ate a lot of clorophyll. 694 Why can't I do that? "Uh, excuse me, I ordered a Latte?" Carrot-Pickle Espresso Monstrosity 695 Hanners Plays the Roomba with her Robots… and it attacks Pintsize! (Smart vacuum!) 696 There's an explanation for Dora and Marten's change of wardrobe… (Monk Ninjas?) 697 Monk Ninja: "Large latte and a couple of bags of ice?" (Feng the Monk Ninja) WHUNK! "When did we get a soufflé pan?" 698 Penelope (or is it Pizza Girl?): "Hi, I'd like a large white chocolate mocha." ($4.50) "The Coffee Crusader"; "Caffeinatrix" 699 My NAME is Penelope Gaines. I AM NOT PIZZA GIRL! I already have a job! I work at a bookstore! You people are INSANE! Shanghaied into working at a coffee shop? 700 She HATES romance novels. 701 Pintsize isn't very clear on what happens at girl's colleges; "...no more late-night HBO for you." 702 Dora = .65 Fayes (Complicated formula of cup size, body fat percentage, enumerated index of psychological issues) 703 Raven's got massive ZITS on her forehead! 704 Hanner's Roomba hates Marten! 705 Winslow's existential crisis (part 1) 706 Winslow's existential crisis (part 2) 707 Another Pintsize cosplay: Samurai Pintsize-''san''! 708 Raven's Hair Gel (Dora goes faux punk rock) 709 "Ogami Itto" Robonibocho 710 Angus (still not named, first lines): "…miss the days before all popular" He doesn't even drink the coffee! Ten drinks and your next is get the #### out. 711 Is coffee vegan? 712 Goth Cassowary; Steve and Ellen broke up again …and just as Steve was hitting on a girl, Faye & Marten break in. 713 "deep sea research vessel." (yeah, right) 714 Remember the talking purple weasels? $500 of fantasy knives off eBay! 715 Quantum Fetish Mechanics (Rule 34-Q?) 716 Pizza slices the size of one's head (Mimmo's Pizza in Northampton, not named). Hanners: "One slice of cheese please and go easy on the carcinogens." (Mumbling Pizza Place Guy) 717 Dora: "…this was the exact point when it all went to Hell." Finest Bourbon Whiskey! Distilled Essence of Mr. James Beam himself (Glowing bottle?) (Is that Jeph as the Liquor Store Guy?) 718 Faye: EVERYTHING'S BLUESHIFTED! "May cause you to get religion, get naked, or get arrested." 719 Bourbon Bobcat (aka "Beast of Bourbon") 720 VESPA AVENGER! 721 Ani DiFranco at a frat party; Bourboncat: "Four bottles of vermouth before Gary the Nine Foot Pterodactyl shows up." 722 Faye & Hanners passed out; pile of ladies! 723 Dora catches Faye with only a towel and a toothbrush; Hanners: "Oh, INDY!" 724 "I don't wanna know about it." 725 Pen-el-ope! Got fired from the bookstore. TAKE A PICTURE! Class-action lawsuit. Insubordinate "half the charm of working here!" 726 "Hall booty is bad booty": Serena, Ashley, Jill, Bailey, Jenna, and Tai's roommate Bri (Brianna?); polyamory and the single lesbian; "They all have mono and Jill is pregnant somehow." 727 Bailey appears; Tai has a case of Angst-septis (needing Dramabiotics) 728 Bailey ≠ monogamy, Tai ≠ polyamory; Tai: "don't have to deal with stupid girl drama"… Marten: UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER! 729 Disgusting Carafes and various "ery" 730 "Don't out-creepy me!" Hanner's first words were "Thousand Yard Stare"; Pintsize clipped her toenails? (Hanners still loves Marten's couch) 731 Vespa Avenger MUST BE STOPPED. 732 www.vespavenger.com; B for Bitchdetta; Internet is like Kim Peek (aka "Rain Man"), only rude and obsessed with pornography 733 Penelope's indoctrination 734 Witty Banter – from burritos to cleavage to saddlebags to Joan of Arc to schizophrenia to better cell phone coverage in Hell to Youtube videos... but Pen is drawing a blank. 735 Raven meets Penelope as her co-worker 736 Ellen and her new boyfriend (Marten: "Gee, that was fast… I work here now.") 737 Chris is his name; her Uncomfortable Truth-jitsu 738 Tai (finally named) is the amateur psychologist 739 The plan to take down Vespa Avenger begins! (with six APC's and Winslow in the audience) 740 Are they acting? 741 Laying it on a little thick… 742 Here's your sign! 743 VA: "No, I'd want his phone number!" 744 VA: "Hang on, wrong button." 745 VespaBot! 746 Pain… level… SHATNERIAN… in…intensity! 747 Pintsize tosses bricks! Deus Ex Machina – literally! 748 Vespa Avenger takes a pounding 749 "O'Malley is high as hell!" (NoHo po-po) 750 Agent Turing returns! Illegal possession of a Combat Robot; offer her a gig in Research & Development 751 Swedish-design poking stick 752 Mild, Medium, or Southern Spicy BBQ? (customer with the Elvis hair) 753 Mom sends Marty a package: "I AM THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS" t-shirt! 754 Elephant seals, corsets, and mating season (Penelope strikes back!) 755 Penelope and the term "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" 756 I am NOT crazy! "That's just what I'd expect a CRAZY PERSON to say!" 757 Pintsize has a peace offering for the Roomba ("void all of your warranties.") 758 Chariot race with the Roomba! (off the edge of the stairs) 759 Get a toothpick for Hanner's Hard Reset Button 760 OMG Turkeys 2006! 761 Chinese Delivery Guy! (non-speaking role, last "costumed" delivery character); Tai has her own social circle 762 Faye: "I wish I had someone to cuddle and watch movies with me." Sven: "Spider sense… tingling!" (Bimbo: That's just my chapstick…) 763 Boo-boo, Dora's stuffed bunny 764 Raven is shocked about Marten 765 Tai talked to Bailey… and it didn't go well. Then she, Serena and Ashley… hooked up. "Ornithologist" joke. 766 Drusilla of Boreheim Manor, by Rutherford Wainwright Ashecrofte – aka Jimbo! 767 Angus (still unnamed): "Where's the Cranky Brunette?" Daily Dose of Contrariness; Penelope: Bop you over the head with a Carafe. 768 Tai: "Trashy, poorly written, incredibly sexist towards BOTH genders, and the most entertaining thing I've read all year!" 769 That dude who always comes in… 770 19th Century Porn? 771 Introducing Tai to Jimbo – and Penelope's "vice" 772 Dora the Warmth Vampire! "A good corpse desecration joke" 773 Others who've seen Dora naked (and Tai hits on Dora?) 774 "The entirety of our culture is a vast conspiracy manufactured by the diamond cartels!" 775 Marty warns Tai about Faye 776 Adorable Butch Girl! 777 Jimbo: "Wait, what? You LIKED it?" Gonzo Romance Novelizing! Hunter S. Thompson would be proud 778 Dora & Faye "Girl Talk" 779 Entre nous Angus 780 Too stupid and self-centered to realize she doesn't enjoy matching wits with him. Plate Glass Window 781 Pintsize gives everyone thongs for Christmas! B/W 782 GUEST STRIP (Eric, Minimalist Stick Figure Theatre): Tai reveals she isn't as butch as Marten thinks… 783 "We call him Argument Guy." Angus goes FLYING! Bartender: "Is your friend looking for work? We could use a bouncer…" 784 His name: Angus McPhee. Can't set them on fire with your mind 785 Marten gave a girl a frog in 3rd grade – now she's a herpetologist! 786 Pintsize goes Dadaist 787 They're Fuzzy! 788 Ellen apologizes; "Mistake Whiskey" 789 Bad decision checklist (Ellen's last appearance) 790 Angus gave her his phone number; Raven: "I win the bet!... whether or not you'd kill him when you found out…" April 14th and a bet about getting laid… 791 Tai: You don't look like a lead guitarist. 792 The Lion proverbs (Mess with the lion…) 793 Sven is CHANG-ing his WAYS! 794 And then Eva came along; Sven: "This is like beaning someone coming out of an AA meeting with a bottle of 20-year-old scotch." 795 Faye insultasaurus 796 "You're still following me?... How long do you think this existential crisis is gonna take?" 797 The Faye Recovery Plan; Sven prefers blondes; he's a Quantum Jerk 798 Attractions; Misogynist Prick? "No Ani DiFranco fans." 799 Raven gets all Highlander on Penelope; "I just washed that knife, too." 800 Heavy anti-anxiety meds for Hanners… and a lack of pants. 801 Dora's Emergency Skirt saves the day… and Hanners ends up passing out. 802 Tai's music: Euro-electric. NEVER EVER CHECK MY BROWSER HISTORY. 803 Pintsize's Porn Database "…violate the monogamy clause of our relationship" 804 Hanners is crying at anything 805 Pintsize and Winslow again 806 Mind-altering drugs (as she downs a bottle of hooch); self-medicating with alcohol 807 Gonna lecture me? 808 Dr. Corrine: "What makes you uncomfortable?" Faye: Marten & Dora is what could be; Sven and Angus are jackasses – HOT ones. 809 Dr. Corrine: "Not every man is your father." Three things you'll never hear a therapist say: · "Just go out and bang someone." · "I think the heroin is doing you some good." · "No WONDER your mother never loved you!" 810 "Pooty pants"; worst possible thing you could say during sex: "Happy Birthday Grandma!" 811 Faye ordered a pizza from the place Pizza Girl delivers for… Schizoid Penelope? 812 Pizza Delivery Dude! "She called in sick today." Didn't think of that possibility, huh? Penelope: "You two (are) MY comically-inept antagonists – or Pizza Girl's?" 813 She may not be Pizza Girl, but she'd make a great Harkonnen. (Dune reference FTW) 814 Tai and FlashLARP PotterSpace 815 Ashley, Serena and rug burns 816 Steve needs to go to the morgue. 817 Penelope Meets Steve! Nursing home for the critically oblivious? 818 Steve's having a psychotic break 819 "I could arrange that. I work at the county morgue." (Meena; who is yet unnamed) 820 "I just realized I'm talking to a stranger about his masturbation habits." 821 She's a pathologist's assistant; AnthroPC's are more trouble than they're worth. An APC in record keeping (at the morgue) used a severed head as a marionette to "cheer up" some cancer patients. 822 "Exotic" (third generation American); Ebola jokes 823 Faye fills Dora's Jerk Quota 824 How she (Meena) kills her victims 825 How Oblivious Can You Get, Steve? 826 …Apparently, VERY. 827 Drown your sorrows with us. 828 Break some Lions! (see 792) 829 Hanners meets Penelope 830 You, me and the robot! 831 Steve shaves himself 832 RoboFidel's Pubic Beard! 833 Hanners heard screaming… oh so CUTE! (hugging RoboFidel!) 834 Penelope: "So you won't tell me what the 'hijinks' were and Steve didn't say anything interesting about me or that girl he likes. What's the point of this conversation?" 835 Staff Meeting: Raven – Chief Fountain Officer; Faye – Chocolate Delivery Logistics; Penelope: Human Ass Resources 836 Amir at the Library; Nat's got a new guitar ("Smoke On The Water" is like "Chopsticks" for the guitar) 837 Don't make me make you wear the aprons again! 838 Raven's not as dumb as she acts (Shh! It's a secret!) 839 Dora's allergic to roses. "Nothing says 'I love you' like anaphylactic shock." 840 He's skipping down the street! 841 Post-coital glow (lens-flare!) 842 "Why I'm late for lunch…"; Nat was found by THE ENTIRE BOARD OF TRUSTEES. Her mom was one of them (which is why she wasn't expelled) 843 Jackson guitar? Amir's former GF dealt coke 844 …TOTALLY NOT PUNK-ROCK AT ALL. But Marten's seeing TOUR BUS! 845 We need a drummer. 846 "Create A Comic Project" by Alex of 738 with a different script – one that makes less sense… 847 How AnthroPC's are made… Pintsize: "MOM?" 848 Horror Movie Fan? Anything for sloppy makeouts! 849 Raven: "A good barista never admits defeat!" (crawls through the vent duct into the store?) 850 Die Hard Raven with a Pigeon! (Bruce Willis/Alan Rickman jokes) 851 "Mock you all the way to the funeral" 852 Savant Raven 853 Angus: "Aw, I missed you too." Faye: "I'm absolutely awful about keeping in touch with people I dislike." SPLASH! 854 Too many John Cusack movies. (Bad timing, Sven) 855 Eve from AppleGeeks visits Winslow 856 Sakura-Con 2007 report (B/W) 857 Marten's haircut – and Dora freaks 858 Go Eat A Cookie. 859 Hot Hairstylists 860 Insecurities 861 Drummer? Money, dedicated, obsessive… HANNERS! 862 Hanners calls Dr. Corrine 863 LOUD is FUN! 864 She's a natural 865 I am a cleaning NINJA! 866 Hold Mieville down, clean his infected anal glands 867 Faye's on her own 868 New bar on Main; Knob Creek and a knife to stab. "Plain edged or serrated?" 869 Sven stops by… and is nearly threatened. "Even smarmy, emotionally hollow cads need company sometimes." 870 Marten draws himself and Dora roasting marshmallows on Dora's back! 871 Sven's old burnout music buddies: · Jerry has a kid and two jobs; · Scott moved to New York for work; · Alan was kind of a prick… 872 Faye slobbers and insults Sven! 873 The difference between Sven and Marten? (Compare to strip 40) 874 The New Video Drivers make Pintsize Trippy! (Faye forgot her keys!) 875 Hanners?... no response (Apartment 36) 876 Sven's place (bird pooped on the skylight) 877 Sven makes better coffee? Princess (she's my villain cat); Sven: "She's a slut" Faye: "Pet-owner convergence"; Female Doberman or Wolverine with Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome 878 Sven: "If Dora finds out, I'd be dead"; Faye: "She'd have you committed for suicidal behavior." 879 Uh oh… Dora finds out! 880 Raven goes Pink and Black? …wanted to bleach her hair; Vinyl bodysuit and cat ears from every anime nerd's dream girl! Dora: "Marten would make such a cute Yaoi Boy" 881 Steve has Morgue Girl issues. Steve: "…lot of time pointing and going HA HA!" 882 Murphy's Law of Romantic Comedies. One aging hippie away… 883 …and that's when Meena (who's still unnamed) shows up. Steve: "I'll show you! I'll ask you out to dinner!" 884 Meena (NOW he knows her name); had to help find her boss's watch in a cadaver – and found TWO watches. 885 Amir: "Some chick is playing drums and CLEANING!" 886 Oops… Raven's mad. HIS APARTMENT!!!?????!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! 887 Drums. Practice. Coffee… Hanners fell asleep standing up? 888 NOTHING HAPPENED! 889 Hanners wakes up; Faye: "We can fill a keg with espresso, but you have to sign a waiver." 890 Pintsize has gone from "Endearingly Misguided" to "Disturbingly Malicious!" 891 Meena: "YOU AREN'T GETTING LAID TONIGHT!" 892 Got shushed by a gang of librarians! 893 Roommate playing porn videos? 894 Roommate is Dave – an ex-boyfriend who never got around to moving out… 895 Confusing Sex Noises 896 Hanners (about boy kissing her in the 8th grade): Doctors said I was lucky boiling water didn't leave any permanent scars 897 Disinfectantbot! 898 Angus: I like tea! …uh, Aphids? 899 Weirdly flattering idiot 900 Physical attraction to things that irk me. 901 Restacking books and "Suicide Guys" 902 Faye: Was that a band? "Someday I'll be a REAL GIRL!" Flying pigs, avian bacon (Dora and Marten); Nope, Hell froze over! 903 Marty and Dora do the Secret Booty Dance! …separately. 904 GUEST STRIP (Lem from Bunny): Dora's a robot? 905 1832, Euro-American Conspiracy Theories (The Hidden Secrets of Most Europeans ''by J. Edward Runcible) 906 Compliment Tourettes! 907 "Hugging Hannelore Heralds Heavy Hyperventilating! USE IT!" 908 And Nat STILL CAN'T PLAY! 909 Nat: "Why do I have to be a math major to ROKK?" (no Rush for her) 910 Hanners: "My mother is coming to visit tomorrow." (disembowel with Nat's guitar?) 911 GUEST STRIP (Stig, ''The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club): Pintsize does Tom Servo! 912 Darth Vader in a Martha Stewart costume 913 Mom's here. Great-grandfather Thaddeus Whitehall Chatham spent 20 years in the African Bush; gave them new word for "pompous, condescending white man" 914 I was joking about the blackmail… 915 Faye takes Hanners and Hannermom (Beatrice Chatham) shopping! 916 Less time on Therapists and Doctors and more on Discipline (Bloodletting cure for influenza) 917 Kicked out of the mall? 918 Limo crashes due to Hornet (limo driver gets off easy with a concussion) 919 Eagles Fly on the Fourth of July! 920 Faye's about to go off on Hannermom when… Brown Gunk in the shower? 921 Martinis? (FINALLY! Something in common!) "Love hurts… but the hangover is worse!" 922 Saying I Love You on the toilet isn't a good idea. · Lucky pregnancy · Went right to nannies · Divorce: Hanners wanted to stay with dad · She (Beatrice) had no clue, so she said OK 923 Weeping Demon, meet the Chathams! (Faye will use PowerPoint and 3-D Models) 924 A Business Proposition for Dora: Coffee of Doom, the Chain!); meanwhile, Hanners messes up Faye's hair! 925 GUEST STRIP (Stig – again): Marten's t-shirt usage 926 Mom: "Can't touch men's room toilet without having a nervous breakdown." $2,000 easy money (cauterize the stump?) 927 Marten: "They always aim for me!" 928 Bedside manner of an autistic vulture 929 What to do with the money? 930 1970 Gibson SG. 931 Harmonix Guitar Shop Guy (guest strip?) 932 Leopard skin/Jaguar skin/Panther skin? 933 GUEST STRIP (David Willis): Willis does QC! Indie Rock vs. Transformers! 934 GUEST STRIP (Corey Marie): Beer Pong! 935 GUEST STRIP (Scott & Kent, White Ninja Comics): The Band Jams 936 GUEST STRIP (R.K. Milholland of S*P): Pintsize messes with Faye's dreams 937 GUEST STRIP (KidNemo): Pintsize's dreams 938 GUEST STRIP (E. Oliver Coakley): Pintsize, TRANSFORM! 939 GUEST STRIP (Chris Hastings/Carly Monardo): Don't give Faye a time machine 940 Multiple conversations; Pintsize Underwear Ninja! Faye and Sven repartee 941 Underwear Ninja Hanners! 942 Dora puts her hands on Hanners' ears! Hanners: "Ew, boys are smelly and gross." 943 '65 Les Paul is the Canadian Girlfriend of Guitars. 944 Winslow isn't a Mary Kay Cosmetics AnthroPC. 945 Faye: Vintage Les Paul isn't actually a vintage. '61 to SG; no Les Paul name. Faye KNOWS. 946 One letter to PORN! "Option-W Porn? That's weird…" 947 '83 Les Paul. That's not flattery, that's masochism. 948 If aliens ever really tried to contact us, it'd be through the internet. Then 4chan would scare them off. 949 Toshiro Mifune! MacBeth! Faye: "I get snarkier the more cheerful I feel" Sven: "God forbid someone have sex with you." 950 Neon Genesis Victoriangelion! ("Kev's a big fan of Arby's…") 951 Pintsize: "My Wacky Hijinks have jumped the shark! 952 Ray-Ray (Buffy DVD's); Faye-Faye (Movie at SVEN'S); Raven: "You HAVE to set me up!" Faye: "Shakin' you can was so SUBTLE." 953 Faye's the Alpha Bitch; Pen's in the Omega Position; Raven is into the Big Bang! 954 Penelope: "Hairdresser made FUN OF ME!" (and the boys are whispering about the hot blonde barista!) 955 GUEST STRIP (Chris Daily): Gender Bender 956 I'M NOT PIZZA GIRL! (Beats the boys off with a broom) 957 10:57 Wake up, little Dora... 958 "Failed Romantic Liaison"; Dora: "Woo! Take it off!" (Faye's peeking through her fingers) 959 Hanners brushes her teeth. 960 Mom sent Hanners "a few documents" (and has to move in with Marty and Faye for a few days...) 961 Fired the accountant... out of a cannon into a volcano. 962 Coed hits on Marten; Tai: "Either love or Stockholm Syndrome" 963 Benjamin the D&D Dork gave Raven a 12-sided dice! Raven: "Dorky boys treat you like a total princess if you're a hottie who'll give them the time of day." 964 Gravity. I hate gravity. 965 Hamlet in a post-apocalyptic cyberpunk dystopia (William Gibson, Ridley Scott, Keanu Reaves?) 966 Hanner's bag of toiletries (in a huge tent bag? 967 Purple Hair! (Pintsize: "Oh, that's mine.") 968 Marten: "We never made plans..." Dora: "What? Did I do something wrong?" 969 Having sex with a grain thresher? (Got a gun?) 970 Faye: "You two are both all insecure 'cause you like each other so much." Dora: "Who else am I gonna ask? Raven? Penelope, the bitterest girl on Earth? HANNELORE? I don't have a lot to work with." 971 GUEST STRIP (Ryan Estrada): Hannelore Cleans EVERYTHING 972 Let's All Study To Gabriel Ananda Day! Lightswitch Rave on the second floor with Serena and Ashley (?); My life: ...lesbian techno reimagining of Animal House. 973 Mrs. CHRISTMAN! (President of Smith College!) "Experimental alternative study environment focusing on the use of rhythm and body movement to enhance cognition and productivity." (And the rave on the second floor?) "Testing whether audio-visual distraction has any effect on the overall efficacy of the study group." 974 Tai "ID's" as a male; Boobsplosion/Ballpocalypse 975 Muffins for Tai; Anything not on menu for Marty; Brothel and Pastry Shop! Patisserie de Sade 976 Dora: "Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past." Marten: "...Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future." Faye: "...Common Sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot NOW." 977 Hanners likes steamed veggies and white rice from Chinese takeout; Faye: "You don't wanna work, you just wanna bang on your drum all day?" (Bad joke of the week?) 978 Physicist Porno! (Stephen Hawking knows how to party!) 979 Pintsize : Kitchen :: Humans : Zoo (the Blender's "paintings" – he's very enthusiastic!) 980 Mop the ceiling, Marten! "Use your alcoholic's ingenuity." (oops... Faye storms out) 981 Hanners: STOP FRIGGIN' FIGHTING! ("pavorite pants"?) She-Hulk Moment 982 Faye goes over to Sven's: "My friends are idiots." Dad's here! GAAAAH! Peter Bianchi, Sven (and Dora)'s "Old Man"; Ohhhh... "Friends with Benefits"; Faye: "Great, now I'm an alky and a trollop. Two deadly sins down, five to go." 983 Dad: "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Sven: "That doesn't narrow down my options, Dad..."; Faye: "My life is slowly falling apart." 984 Talk to therapist about drinking; SMACK! Sven: "No amount of self-pity ever helped anybody feel better!"; Faye: "...whack with a magazine when I get whiny?"; Dog peeing on carpet – and Dora biting her fingernails (So THAT's why she gets flinchy with a copy of the New Yorker...) 985 Faye whacks Sven – "You were FLIRTING!" No Tighty Whities. 986 "Bedroom closet or Linen closet?" (Hide the Hooker!) 987 Giving you a hug, Relax! (PFFFT!) "Did you just..." "YOU SAID I COULD RELAX!" 988 I need someone to kick me in the ass. (Oooh, ooh, pick me!) Not in my health plan's network, sorry; Marten: "In Canada they have socialized asskicking. It's called 'Hockey'." 989 Dora: "You realize that I'll murder you if you seduce her, right?" Sven: "She met dad." Dora: "Jesus, he has no idea how close he came to death..." 990 Dr. Corrine: "Why do you drink?"; Faye: "Awesome, out come the happy pills." Diet, exercise, omega-3 fatty acids; "Swift kick in the rear is still in clinical trials." 991 Penelope works out; Working out is a lot less fun if your partner is a SADIST. 992 Freaky Clone Couple (POD PEOPLE!) 993 Marten does all his exercising in the bedroom. (Had to go there) "No, really, I do sit-ups! Ce n'est pas une double entendre!" 994 Hanners found the discrepancy, mom... "Astrotech revenue reports... accounting software correct for a rounding error that didn't exist... Corroboration? Paranoia? $6 million! Jail? I DON'T CARE THAT'S WHAT THE SHARK TANK... Whale sharks eat PLANKTON, mom..." 995 GUEST STRIP (Otter, A Girl And Her Fed): Marten's having strange dreams about the women in his life... 996 A challenge! Faye & Dora bet on treadmill 997 YMCA Clerks; "Prude!" "Trollop!" "Puritan!" "Nympho!" 998 Your ass, it jiggles. 999 Only 15 minutes? Chariots of Fire, not Ben Hur! 1000 NAKED OLD LADIES! "...anchor in your pocket, or home on shore leave?" "Oh, ETHEL!" 1001 Hanners and Winslow try to make coffee (Non-sentient machines) 1002 Hanners: "WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST!" "I think I understand why Faye's so surly sometimes!" Marten: "No shirt, no shoes, no dental floss, no service." 1003 Thongs to the Y? Embarrassing (and a full-on view of Dora's Tattoo) 1004 Marten made the "second worst latte she's ever tasted." The worst: Faye "brewed" some potting soil instead of coffee grounds (hippies!) 1005 "Hah. This from the boy who loses all motor control when I nuzzle your neck." 1006 Everything I know about relationships I learned from Leo Fender 1007 Uno between Pintsize/Hanners/Winslow; "Lush's bottom" pun (In space, no one can hear you groan.) 1008 Marten doesn't care for foie gras; Reverse Strip Poker! Reverse Monopoly would be a communist revolution? 1009 Pintsize is an aggressive bettor (with panties?); Cleaning services in Western MA stopped returning her calls a long time ago. 1010 Package from John Ellicott; "latest prototype... a ROBOT BOYFRIEND?... Mad-scientist laugh, have you been taking your medication?" 1011 "Dip my toe in the dating pool"; Father's dream: building daughter's suitor from scratch! His "bait and tackle are still in beta" 1012 Winslow: "Am I being replaced?" You can upload AnthroPC personalities! "I have THUMBS! And FINGERS!" Faye: "My chest is not the Make-A-Wish Foundation!" 1013 Winslow crosses the Uncanny Valley; "Great, we've gone from I, Robot to The Terminator." 1014 Dora: "Are you getting flashbacks to your first date?" 1015 "Hey, Pintsize." "AAAGH! WINSLOW?" "If you had opposable thumbs, you'd be a threat to civilization." 1016 Hanners: "...send it back, don't keep in closet." Faye: "Everyone has a few roboexoskeletons in their closet" (Literally: Pintsize's old chassis) 1017 No dialogue comic: The Scarlet Letter! (Hanners pinches RoboBoyfriend's tush) 1018 "Thinly Veiled Personal Metaphor Blues"; Brian Eno's Oblique Strategies cards (in the bedroom?) 1019 OMG Turkeys 2007! 1020 ROBO-INQUISITION! Marten: "Sentence Commuted." Rule of Thumb: He who has the thumbs makes the rules. Godwin'ed? "reductio ad Hitlerum" 1021 What rhymes with "philandering"? The CoD house band! 1022 New Guitar to practice; Tai Fighter and her Sequencing Beats (DJ Awkwardd Beatz – Mopey Stress-core!) 1023 New WIKIPEDIO'S! 1024 Modern Sexuality Class Questionnaire; Sleeping with Dora is more like a post-soccer-match riot 1025 Dave with the pink shirt and Steve; Why'd they break up? 1026 Domestic Violence is wrong. And I really like Cheerios! 1027 Meena cheated on him. And he forgave her. She ended the four-year relationship; Dave is TOO PERFECT! He: · NEVER gets Mad! · rarely makes mistakes. · Immediately acknowledges and tries to fix things when he does · Remembers birthdays and anniversaries · Is studying to be a Doctor to "help the children" · Is a CHURCH-goer · Donates money to charities · Spends 15 hours a week helping the homeless (he does have to sleep sometime) 1028 "You're not perfect!" Steve: "Thanks. So glad to know that I'm in you league." 1029 Dave overheard the conversation... "If I really was crazy I might not know if I'm a serial killer, so I can't rule it out." 1030 Go with it or RUN LIKE HELL. "Raven has some rather... grandiose ideas about my man-tackle." 1031 Mrs. Bianchi = Dora's head on Heidi Klum's body; Faye vs. Mr. Bianchi 1032 Meet the 'rents; "Don't sell Dad pot" (ex-boyfriend Jerry) Oh, and only have ONE brownie. 1033 Tai: Register for the wedding at Urban Outfitters or Salvation Army? Marten: "She doesn't have a sister." In 18 years or so I'll be ready to settle into a nice comfy May/October relationship. 1034 Marten, Dad and The Secret Handshake 1035 Dora's Mom; "Reminds me of that bondage lady... Veronica?" Dora (after blushing): "Wow, she didn't even pick up on it." Dora gets her looks from mom, Sven from Peter's brother Joseph 1036 The Leather Pants of DOOM! 1037 Faye & Pen speculate on how high the parents; Faye: "I think you're mistaking bisexuality with substance abuse." Pen: "I think THEY were." 1038 YELLING BIRD appears in QC! (Originally a character from Indietits, appearing on Apr. 17, 2005; became a "regular" filler strip on QC) 1039 Love is... (Defined by the QC staff.) 1040 Dad and Marten, Mom and Dora; "So... you stole him." 1041 Had to fight off other girls for dad? (conversation while mom is rolling a joint) Mom: "First one you've brought home I'd sleep with." Dora: "YOU'RE WINDOW SHOPPING IN MY WARDROBE!" 1042 Coloring Page (What came out of the box?) 1043 Peter and Elssa Bianchi; spent a weekend in the Mojave Desert high on peyote taking pictures of scorpions (may have met Hunter S. Thompson); Kilimanjaro, Pirates in the South Pacific, slapped Nancy Reagan on the... WHAT? 1044 Dad is a photographer; freelancing, mostly National Geographic... "What do your parents do?... WHAT?... prol'ly TMI." "It's okay, your daughter..." 1045 Avoid Contact Highs; Brushing teeth and washing hands (and a confused Dora) 1046 Little Stoner Girlfriend; Hanners gave up smoking; did it just to prove she could do it – she was on powerful anti-anxiety pills at the time; explains the stalking? "No, just me being my creepy self." 1047 Faye: "No awkward moments?" Marten: "Your dad used to jerk off to pics of my mom." Dora: "What? Not him too?" (pause) "I didn't have access to any other erotica!" 2008 1048 The risqué stuff would be... creepy. "I'm just sayin'..." STOP IT. 1049 Penelope Rises and Shines! Faye... not so much. "You. Did. NOT. Just call me FAT." 1050 Penelope: "LOOK AT MY ASS AND TELL ME IT'S PRETTY!" 1051 "She made me WALK from the Gym!" "YOU CALLED ME FAT!" Gladiatorial combat (Two girls enter! One girl leaves!) 1052 Okay, bad idea. Docking you BOTH... "Early onset UNEMPLOYMENT." 1053 Hanners BROKE HER DRUMSTICK! "Lost Home for Widowed Drumsticks" 1054 Music Store trip with Hanners: Professional Cymbal Tester? 1055 Raven: My Boyfriend from CANADA! "...Raven, you're dating a Hobo." (not Makeout Hobo) 1056 Hanners went to the music store and bought a GONNGGGG!!!! ("Brain... no... worky...") 1057 Pintsize vs. the Roomba (with the gong): "His power level, it's over 9000!" 1058 Faye and Dora in undies in the kitchen; bikini line looks GREAT! (You are so WEIRD when you're half-asleep) [Note on the fridge: MARTEN, TOUCH THE MILK AND YOU DIE. <3 FAYE] 1059 Those "feelings" for Marty; "Oh I'm plottin' your downfall... not because of Marty, Just plain ol' orneriness. Makes me tingly." (We have GOT to get you LAID.) note's gone 1060 Pushing my boundaries on sex : bulldozing a dike in Holland – Hundreds of dead, lots of sogginess 1061 Benji the Canadian Hobo (boyfriend of Raven); "Here's ten bucks and a monkey wrench." 1062 "Differently employed"; Classical guitarist! "Six pack of Labatts to get in the mood" for off-key rendition of Bobby McGee. 1063 Hanners: Raven's dating a STREET MUSICIAN? Dora relates about the old Mental Hospital in town; "functional" ones settled; "THERE COULD BE A CRAZY PERSON LIVING IN MY BUILDING!" (Heaven forbid.) 1064 The Panhandler Mafia: · Guy with one-string guitar · Yell-o-phone guy (two notes!) · Bucket Guy 1065 Third wheels can be fun! (Local necrophiliacs) 1066 "YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR FIVE GIRLS WHO AREN'T ME????" (#### my honest mouth) 1067 "Love the One You're With" is BS; not dating for convenience, you make me HAPPY. "Throwing yourself at another person isn't romance. It's football." 1068 Hanners: You say it's your birthday? 1069 Hanners is now 22 (for reals); Karaoke show! (Dad threw a surprise party for sweet 16; peed in her pants) 1070 YELLING BIRD: Jeph's sick 1071 "Young and gainlessly employed" enjoy Karaoke; hey it's SVEN! "Smarmosaur" with friends from out of town (Jerry? Scott?) 1072 Sign: NO RICKROLLING THE AUDIENCE! Sven's choice of song for Faye: "Fat Bottom Girls" Faye: I'm gonna kill him. Hanners: Please don't, it's my birthday. 1073 "Maybe I'll sing one of those awful songs you write for a living." · "My Wife Left Me For My Girlfriend" · "Yankee Is A Four-Letter Word" · She's Pretty (But She Ain't No John Deere)" 1074 Karaoke Wars! Sven: "You Give Love A Bad Name"; Faye: "You're So Vain" (Dude, you just got served); Sven: "99 Problems" (F: Even Jay-Z can't top Jay-Z!; H: Regularly enumerates their tribulations) 1075 Hanners sings: Row, row, row your boat... 1076 Vodka and Peter Sellers movies at Sven's! (DETOUR – ANY OTHER FEMALE IN EXISTANCE) 1077 Princess (Sven's MALE cat); "He's had a nasty stomach bug the last couple of days." FWINGGGG!!! "Aim. Right." HORK HORK (My clean boxers!) 1078 The "come hither" look; Faye: "Am I blushing? Why am I blushing?" Sven: "My aim was off! Please don't hit me!" 1079 Faye pushes her boundaries: SHE KISSES THE BOY! (While Hannelore gently sleeps – on the couch, of course) 1080 Hanners wakes up and sees Faye and Sven IN BED! AAIGH! Creepy note! Creepy Note! 1081 Faye wakes up! (We will be postponing this morning's scheduled panic attack in order to admire that fine, fine ass.) 1082 Oh, crap, HANNERS! Sven: "I much prefer that form of insanity to the murderous stabby kind." 1083 "Race you upstairs?" "Sure beats cryin'." 1084 Sven: "Oh #### she (Dora) really WOULD kill me." 1085 Who Yelled First? H: AH! Don't kill me! F: Just keep it quiet H: Stop threatening me! F: I'm not... H: Yelling at me? F: You're yelling! H: You're threatening! F: AH! H: AH! 1086 "Uh, sit-ups. I did a lot of sit-ups." (Penny's not getting it) 1087 Pintsize: "How many people get to stop Global Thermonuclear War for their birthday?" 1088 Faye makes an appointment with Dr. Corrine... in the Cave of a Million Asses? on wall: EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE PUNCHING CUSTOMERS 1089 Dr. Corrine: "Hang on, let me get some thumbtacks and colored string so we can diagram that..." 1090 THE PARALLELOGRAM: Dr.C: "What is it exactly that has you all freaked out?... The little voices in your head aren't always correct." Faye: "I got laid. Woo. High-five." 1091 Dr. Corrine: "If they hate you for this, they're not very good friends... if they're really your friends they'll understand." Faye: "Why does this have to be so COMPLICATED? ...Don't answer that." 1092 Marten & Dora's day in bed. "Submission slot" (hur hur) 1093 Hannelore can't keep secrets. Dora: "I'm not sure, but I have a sudden inexplicable urge to strangle my brother. That seldom bodes well." 1094 Faye: "Do you want to witness my violent death?" Pen: "Can you wait five minutes? I'll go make some popcorn." 1095 YOU SLEPT WITH HIM? '''Faye: "Although man, if I WERE a vindictive person, this would be pretty much the ultimate burn on you guys." Dora: "I'm aware." Pen: (munches on popcorn) 1096 Faye: "And, well, we hooked up." Marten: "You did?" Faye: "Yeah... (Dora's angry)" Marten: "It would be harder to stomach if I weren't getting hot hot Dora-sexin' on a regular basis." Faye: "Ever the pragmatist." 1097 Irrational girlfriend paranoia makes Marten a little CRANKY. 1098 ''I'M BEING IRRATIONAL???'' (exit Marten) Wife of Pen's former boss at the bookstore gave him a concussion with the Slimarillion. 1099 Marten: Yeah, we know. Hanners: AHHHHH! Marten: "I'm sure you can catch up on your regular anxieties later." 1100 Going to the Horrible Revelation (first appearance) Marten & Hanners meet up with Steve; Steve: "I'm turning into MARTEN!" Hanners: "I'm scared of dopplegangers." 1101 Belittling her anger; "It doesn't matter what you say, it's what she INFERS that counts. This is girl-logic." Dora's like a hive of Angry Bees. 1102 Dave to Steve: "even though I still love Meena, I accept your relationship with her." Marten: "Wait a minute, am I giving YOU a pep talk about GIRLS? WTF?" Steve: "Welcome to Bizzaro World." 1103 Friggin' Women. Friggin' Dudes. 1104 "I'm not drunk. I'm fine. I'm cool." Get it over with (the Law of Humor) "My life's a COMEDY?" Hanners: Horror Movie – she'd either be first to die or the killer in the end. 1105 PT410x Linux-based AnthroPC; "High performance open-source sentient mobile workstation"; My Serial Number; IT'S A HEAT SINK! 1106 Dad said never let a girl go to bed mad at you. Oh, and "If you're gay, don't marry a woman." 1107 Dora's Megadeth to Sven's Metallica: · Everything's always about HIM. · Every other girl at school had a crush on him. · Half my friends were just pretending they liked me so they could sneak up to his room and make out. · He was Mr. Popular and I was just his weird little sister who had bad skin and wore too much black. · He doesn't even have to TRY! · He cruised through HS and college · He never studied and still got perfect grades. · Meantime I'm busting my ass to make C's and D's · Then after school, he writes completely stupid f'ing songs and paychecks come rolling in · I can barely afford a living wage. Marten: "At least Megadeth didn't make St. Anger." 1108 Faye's drunk! Hannelore goes off on her: "You are going to SOBER UP and QUIT WHINING because I am NOT PUTTING UP WITH ANY MORE OF YOUR ####!" (She's gone critical!) 1109 Hanners: Uh, so... what do you say after sex? 1110 Marten: "She's not evil, she's just a bitch sometimes." (Sassing Faye is like the Purple Heart of our social circle) 1111 Raven's Graphene to Cupcakene! Homeopathic Donut Water! 1112 About yesterday... Raven: "What are you guys talking about?" Uh... petting zoo. 1113 Faye: "I told them." Sven: " Oh, Christ, Dora's gonna kill..." "I think I might kill YOU." 1114 Sven: "Dammit, that's MY job!" 1115 I was over at Sven's... ...TELLING him it was a one-time thing. Raven: "What's not gonna happen again? Faye: "Me hooking up with Sven." Raven: "Nice try, guys. I might not be the sharpest bulb in the box, but I'm not THAT gullible." 1116 "Dooorrrraaaa! Faye broke the ruu-uules!" Raven's Little Black Book; Single-spaced? What do the stars by some numbers mean? "You'll find out" (wink) 1117 Marten fills in Tai; Tai: "Maybe SHE wanted to hook up with Faye!" The mental image... (Gee, just wait about 440 more strips) sign: "PLEASE RESPECT YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS AND SHUT THE H### UP" 1118 Shelf for the Skulls of our Enemies! 1119 Hanners Throws Up! (Morning sickness?) THE KWISATZ HADERACH! 1120 Hanners: "You have to PEE on a STICK!" 1121 "Just nice to know that sex isn't completely out of the question..." (cue Angus!) 1122 Angus tries a Mocha Espresso... and LOVES IT... 1123 ...unfortunately, he is extremely lactose intolerant. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MONTRESSOR!" 1124 Dora: "Faye an' Angus, sittin' in a tree..." 1125 Hannelore: "It's negative!" (Have you SEEN mitosis?) 1126 Yes, they used protection; Sven would be a good dad. "He's good at anything he puts his mind to... (Dora cringes) I didn't mean THAT, you ASS!" 1127 Pintsize and Winslow play with EPT's 1128 Sven talks to Will (first appearance!): "I've never had a woman shut ME down before." Will's "Ode to the LHC": O, Prometheus of mass We come to unchain thee Not with key, nor torch, nor saw But a circus of relativity. Hadrons colliding A sudden, stable strangelet '' ''devours us all. 1129 Broke up with the Hobo Boyfriend from Canada; "Anarcho-Primitivist – and into anal. Ew." 1130 Sculptural Snickerdoodle! (Bean Destroyer 2000 in the background) No Christo pieces, please. 1131 Tai's "fiction writing"; butt-prints on the copier machine (and reminder to bring Windex next time) 1132 Dora needs to make some copies; "MY girlfriend, MY copier assistance." 1133 Copier "activity"! ...which Dora and Marten walk in on! 1134 Tai: "You're back awful fast. What happened?" NOTHING! Two trustees; how DISCREET; 30% raise? (and change the locks!) 1135 "Oh yeah, like I didn't know you were going off to have sex..." (what's with the 'staches?) 1136 Sven drops in @ COD; Faye has to wash her hair; no, really... Raven can't walk and chew gum at the same time... 1137 Peanut Butter does work! Faye: Pintsize went from "helpful to creepy again..." 1138 Ideal job? Penelope: publisher/literary agent; Raven: Waterslide test pilot (or a sex therapist for millionaires?) 1139 Tattoos and meaning; Dora: "I like kittens!" 1140 Yelling Bird. 1141 Faye's ideal man: Mister Darcy from Pride and Prejudice; Hanners: Mister Clean! (Faye: "I'm pretty sure he's gay." Hanners: "Wouldn't be able to consummate marriage anyways") 1142 Will meets Penelope – and he gets "uncontrollably poetic"; Penelope: "Luscious-fruit and delicious-flower similes are third-date material at best." 1143 Will: "At last, I've found my muse!" (Sven: "Oh God, here we go...") 1144 Hanners: "If you can do it, then maybe it means someday I could be normal too."; Faye: "We're actually very complicated marionettes..." 1145 Hanners: "As far as pathogens go, friendship is pretty okay." Faye: "Common symptoms include an increased sense of well-being, occasional intoxication, and in severe cases ill-advised makeouts." 1146 The "Questionable Shellfish" finally comes back up – and Marten finally gets revenge for strip 185! 1147 Marten: "I'd really rather not associate your boobs with projectile vomiting." 1148 Hanners is stuck in Dirty Dirty Dirty Dirty Dirty mode... "Gin. Combine two parts gin with one part freshly squeezed lemon juice and a drizzle of sugar syrup. Add soda water to taste, garnish with a slice of lime.... (Tom Collins?) You don't seriously expect me to clean up barf ''sober'', do you?" 1149 Pintsize & Winslow back from ED-210's robo-bachelor party... "chicks flashing their PCI slots..." 1150 Dora: "Food poisoning has switched to his... other end... Family pack of toilet paper, copy of War and Peace, and a gun with a single bullet." Faye: "Th-that's ''terrible''." Dora: "Oh-oh God Faye, the gun thing, I didn't mean..." Faye: "What?... I hate Tolstoy." [Lemon dress appears to have gone through the wash a few times] 1151 "Not gonna be all 'oh how COULD you I have PROBLEMS' any time someone makes a suicide reference"... Your turn to clean the bathroom, then... Nice try, lazysaurus. [Mocha w/a hair in it, Latte w/apple core, Scone of Bone] 1152 Hanners: "What was the name of the place?" Marten: "O'reilley's Pub and Steakhouse. Why?" Hanners: "Hey, mom? It's called O'Reilley's Pub and Steakhouse. No, no 'mysterious accidents.' ...Just get some health inspectors in there.... Being the only child of an evil corporate overlord has a few very distinct advantages." 1153 Hanners: "Bwaaaah! I wuh-was just t-trying to huh-huh-HELP!" Marten: "This has been the GREATEST DAY." 1154 With great power comes great responsibility. "It actually doesn't. My mom never woulda gotten to where she is if she thought she was responsible for her actions." 1155 Pigeon and Raccoon attack from above! (Man that vent causes PROBLEMS.) 1156 The Doctor tells Faye her x-rays of her head showed nothing... seriously, she had a minor concussion from the raccoon; "You were screaming about 'raccoon pogrom' and how you'd 'cleanse the earth of their vile little grabby paws.' I had to hold you down while Penny called the doctor." 1157 Walking wounded Faye and Gastronomical Distress Marten; Dora: "I could send Sven over for (a kiss on the head)" Faye: "I make enough bad decisions around him without a concussion." Girls Gone Wild: Head Trauma Edition 1158 And any minute now, Pintsize will do something weird... Er, what? "I didn't feel sufficiently fraught without them." 1159 Do you know something I don't? 1160 Filler: "Sweet-tits" makes her debut (in black-and-white) 1161 "Don't you understand? I got Sven into nerdy chicks!" 1162 "Whoa, whoa, you've got the wrong idea, lady. Sven is my CLIENT." Sven: "She's not a whore, she's my lawyer." 1163 "That was not one of your finer moments." · "Ill-advised Hookup" · "Irrational Recrimination" · "Ice Cream as an Emotional Band-Aid" (I got THAT merit badge forever ago.) 1164 Faye's nice, she's just kinda... crazy. "I didn't think you liked brunettes.... not as attractive as your money... SO glad I only accept checks and money orders." 1165 That's Harriet, Sven's lawyer. Friend from college. If Steve Jobs and RFK had a time-traveling clone-baby, he might be able to get her non-work number. If he went back in time and killed Hitler, she'd consider going to second base. 1166 Dora: "I think she's setting herself up to be hurt. Sven won't put up with her passive-aggressive BS." Marten's the baseline standard for spinelessness. 1167 Sweet-Tits still hates her name (and being dragged out of the shower) 1168 Nightmare on QC (1): Hannelore kills a centipede – and a Giant one says she killed its dad! 1169 Nightmare on QC (2): Marten dreams of Dora and Faye – and wakes up with BOOBS? AIIGGH! 1170 Nightmare on QC (3): Witch Dora catches Marten with a coed; turns them into bunnies – and they keep on humping! And Marten gets punched in her sleep... 1171 Hannelore's recurring dream of DJ Phalliz "Kill your friends, kill them with a knife" 1172 Hannelore, Morbid thoughts, and casting magic missiles (gaining 120 experience points and 25 gold pieces) 1173 Society for Creative Rock Anachronism – Steampunk Rock 1174 SCRA playing at Smith! Terminal Scensterism (see strip 16) and Dora/Marten 1175 Making sure Hanners isn't a cyborg (it could be FireWire) 1176 Hanners worries about Faye getting Rabies (which would be a marked personality improvement) 1177 Band practice? Nat learning how to play? "We... work around her... Imagine a mountain lion trapped in a box full of barbed wire and broken glass. Now throw that box down some stairs." 1178 Nat: "What, I'm not GOOD ENOUGH to be in your stupid band? FINE! I QUIT!... Now help me put my amp in the car." Amir: "Woman you just BROKE UP with me." "But it's HEAVY!" 1179 Sven's get-well card: "Bang Your Head!" 1180 To break up over not being able to play guitar... "I really gotta start dating girls my own age!.. I'm 35... No, really... I got good genes." Hanners: "Wow, they must be a designer brand!" Terrible pun. "Pun?" 1181 Sven: "She's cute when she's off her guard... I'm returning her serve." Dora: "Be careful where you aim your balls." 1182 Amir: "I just realized I'm the Creepy Old Dude At Shows now!" (Meanwhile, Hanners is making faces at drinks she doesn't like...) 1183 Winslow wants to reproduce; Pintsize wants to be cloned ("The concept of millions of copies of you running around is... alarming."); the Roomba is chasing the red cape. 1184 Dora: "You know he thinks this is just a game, right?" Faye: "I've returned the favor... I did a quick sketch of me topless in the bottom of his coffee cup." (Sven is blushing? And is that Sweet-tits in the background?) 1185 Amir's got all these songs in his head (Scrambles the giant purple otter – is that our friend the Tequila Monster?) 1186 Will visits COD, and gets a "tip" from Faye (Dora: "Penelope HATES Hemingway!") 1187 Marten: "You probably shouldn't play the drums in a short skirt." Amir: "You were... flashin' some underpants action... a lot of underpants action... Is it possible for someone to literally ''die'' of embarrassment?" 1188 Dora's college slip skirt story (why she has the "Emergency Skirt" at work); "...the back of the slip was semi-transparent. And I was wearing a thong that day." 1189 Sven: "Faye told you that?... Dude, you could just talk to her. It's not that hard to do." (Sven's cat is RELENTLESS when it comes to fuzzy ball playthings) 1190 "I believe you've met my friend Will." GAH! "You're really on a roll with this whole 'make an ass of yourself' thing. What's on the bill for tomorrow?" 1191 Faye: "God, I'm a bitch." Sven: "I've practically got a PhD in treating people like crap myself." Faye: "I should probably go..." 1192 GUEST STRIP: (Chris Daily) Pintsize interviews iPhone 3G 1193 GUEST STRIP: (Zach Weiner) Webcomics Illuminati 1194 GUEST STRIP: (Jeff Zugale) Interspecies Communication 1195 GUEST STRIP: (Rene Engstrom) The "Secret Origin" of Hipster Batman (Sven) 1196 GUEST STRIP: (John Campbell) Minimalist Content 1197 Yelling Bird: The Serenading. 1198 Faye (on his lap): "I told you this wasn't gonna happen again..." Sven: "And yet here we are." (disrobing) "An id is a terrible thing to waste." 1199 Marvin Gaye in the background – no Slayer? "Wrong Bianchi." (Reign In Blood is Marten's anti-Viagra) 1200 Hanners uses a bad AnthroPC word! (ASDF! QWERTY!) 1201 Sven: "Is this gonna be a regular thing?" Faye: "What, am I no good in bed? Is that it?" (facepalm) 1202 Dora: "Good Morrrrrnnninng... Seriously though, you do know what you're getting into here, right?" latte, Litterbox Brownie, Daft Punk @ 200 dB 1203 Marten introduces Hanners to The Worry Hat 1204 Marten: "Whenever I got scared or had a nightmare as a kid, she'd put the Worry hat on my head and tell me silly stories about how it worked until I felt better." 'Hannelore got ' '''HAT! BRAVERY +10 CHARISMA +5 1205 Will's approach failure ("throbbing desperate tumescence") and Faye's bad limericks 1206 Hanners bangs her head with the worry hat on – literally 1207 Dora consoles Hanners (it's only a little cut); NoHoPo come in asking if anything's wrong ("This young lady just ran down Main Street covered in blood and screaming. That's normally the kind of thing that arouses suspicion.") 1208 Ruination! Failure, calamity, and mortification! "Dude, why were you walking around carrying porn-rhymes?" (Contingencies!) 1209 Hannerlore doesn't clean bloodstains? Dora: "You musta freaked out the first time you got your period." Hanners: "We don't... we don't talk about that day." 1210 Hanners visits Williston Library... and Tai messes with her ("Library Spiders!"). "What lies are you filling her head with?" 1211 ...and someone's pet tarantula just ran across the counter... 1212 Will: "What do I do NOW?... Oh god, I just realized. I LEFT THE POEM THERE." Penelope: "It's... it's actually kinda HOT." Dora: "We should frame it and put it in the bathroom." 1213 Will: "Wait! YOU could apologize for me!" Sven: "What am I supposed to say..." Will: "Remember Eleanor?" Sven: "Aw man, don't call in that favor now..." (back at the shop) "Look, I know he kind of came off creepy, but he's honestly not that bad of a guy." Pen: "Creepy, nothing! We want him to come do a reading of his work!" Dora: "In tights and a codpiece!" Faye: "I call sick-day." 1214 Nobody orders our specials. Faye: "Feh. 'Specialty' coffee drinks are all just namby-pamby flavored crap for people who don't actually LIKE COFFEE." 1215 Dora comes down HARD on Faye's sass: "...Have a smile ready for the next customer!... NOT HORRIBLE RICTUS." 1216 Sven: "They were more amused than anything else." Will wanted a date, too? Sven makes him a box lunch, cause Will's still in HIGH SCHOOL. Will "went to Williston Academy and the SCHOOL lunch there." 1217 "You've never gone all hell-boss on me before." "Landlord came and said he was raising our lease... utilities have gotten a lot higher..." Sexy bank robbers or Blackwater meets Suicide Girls? 1218 Hanner's head hurts. Tai offers to kiss and make better... Eww! (now the Worry Hat has to protect against disgusting fetishes as well) 1219 Uh, Pintsize? Is it true?... NO! I don't want to see any pictures!... any pictures of sexy firemen? 1220 Dora wishes she had a worry hat. "Oral sex and THEN cookies???" 1221 Faye: "Sven and I are acquaintances who occasionally happen to bump into each other. Naked. With our crotches." 1222 Hanners gets her sexy firefighter/EMT pictures... and Winslow CATCHES her! 1223 "This is 4 GB of sexy fireman pictures. Do you really want that on your hard drive?" 1224 Hanners jumps into the arms of the first fireman she sees... "A-actually ma'am, we're just coming around for donations for our annual charity fundraiser." 1225 Dora's pessimistic. "That way when things turn out all right I'm pleasantly surprised." Halen guitar poster in the background! 1226 Hanners talks to her sexy photo "dealer" Pintsize (firemen are... sweaty) 1227 Faye: "Dora's stressed about expenses"; Raven: "Dora told you about Plan Omega?... No, that's Plan Zeta. They're ranked by risk of STD exposure." 1228 Faye: "I was wondering whose (mouthwash) that was... So you repay my compassion by sexually harassing me?" Dora: "God help you if you ever earn a promotion." 1229 Lydia the Smith College student; met at the Smif benefit dinner last night? Take her on as his intern? Sven: "Oh man, I was Beatles-medley drunk? No WONDER I don't remember." 1230 Lydia: music major with a focus on composition, specifically pop songwriting. "Uh... your little guy is kinda pokin' out the fly of your boxers." Sven: "Welcome to the magical world of professional songwriting. Is it as glamorous as you imagined? (Both blushing profusely) 1231 Lydia: "Yeah, I'm his new intern... Hopefully by the time I get back he'll at least have some clothes on." Dora; "Wow Faye, I didn't think people actually did spit-takes in real life." 1232 "Real work" for Sven (ATM of BankHampton!) 1233 Interns and "Laisse-faire" employment 1234 All right, here's the book: · "She Dumped Me So I Had Her Trailer Towed" · "Redneck Ain't My Middle Name (But It Should Be)" · "Dale Earnhardt Blues" · "Never Forget to Never Forget" 1235 We could still replace you with a mule or something. "We also share an affinity for kicking. Allow me to demonstrate." 1236 Jeph half-asses the comic! Lazily-rendered robot jokes! Blatant Pandering! Graphic Sex Acts! (all-dark except the eyes) 1237 GUEST STRIP – on Jeph and Cristi's WEDDING DAY! 1238 GUEST STRIP – (Diesel Sweeties crossover – no Lil' Sis to be seen, though) 1239 Will asks Penelope out to dinner! ("I'm sure that's what some of Dahmer's victims said, too." – bad taste, Jeph.) 1240 SHE SAID YES! (extremely ambitious panhandler) 1241 Penelope has had Boytastrophies. Boylamities. Boypocalypses. 1242 Dora: "What kind of guy do YOU want?" Penelope: "Lemme borrow your laptop. I'll make a spreadsheet." 1243 A History of Mental Illness and Treatment from Williston Library (does Hanners have a library card?) Tai: "Know how they used to treat hysteria?... Wanna go play old-timey doctor?" 1244 Hannelore is "too weirded out by physical contact and fluids and stuff. (She) doesn't HAVE a comfort zone." 1245 Marten: "Don't mess with Hanners, please." Tai: "Let's go get my clit pierced!" Marten: "...That may be the greatest non-sequitur in human history." 1246 "You're not SERIOUS?" (Think I recognize that guy in the background of panel three.. and four, too...) 1247 Heavily Tatted Pierced Lady gets ready while Tai STRIPS DOWN? "Last kid who fainted in here woke up missing a kidney, and my Mustang got its engine rebuilt." at Lucky's on Main Street in NoHam 1248 Tai: "Awesome!" Piercing Lady: "No kissing, no licking, no nothing. Not without a condom or dental dam... I have GOT to start going over this with people BEFORE they get their junk pierced." 1249 Tai: "Dora! Dora! I got my hood pierced!" Marten: "My girlfriend is cooing over my boss's vulva like it was a newborn kitten." 1250 Dora: "Does it bother you?... We're both thinking about Tai naked, aren't we." 1251 Lydia's already got the magazine smack down... and the "no sex with the intern" thing, too. 1252 Hanners in the kitchen with Faye, makin' cookies! 1253 AnthroPC tears are toxic! 1254 When humans find themselves leaking an unknown substance, what do they do? "Post pictures of it on the internet!" 1255 Pen's got a date! Pen's got a date! Uh... Will got a bit sideswiped. "I'll take him to the emergency room. I've had worse dates." 1256 "The NERVE of that doctor, to hit on you in front of me!... I'm sorry! I needed something pleasant to concentrate on!" 1257 Pen: "Ooh, rejected in favor of painkillers. Time to go sob over a pint of Ben & Jerry's." 1258 BOOM goes the Espresso machine on Faye! Pen: "Ain't Karma a bitch?" 1259 Will and Sven discuss relationships. Will: "Getting relationship advice from you is like getting sailing instructions from a Bedouin." Sven: "...more like a physicist giving long-division lessons to a ten-year-old." 1260 It's completely RUINED! (Sympathy is healthier than schadenfreude.) 1261 Gonna have to buy a new espresso machine; Dora: "When I told him the model number he started LAUGHING." Faye: "I bet eBay has a whole category for smoldering debris." 1262 Dora: "Oh my God. This is too much! You're being too nice to me!" 1263 Dora: "Can you believe how wonderful he is?... (to Faye) Stop trying to set me on fire with your mind!" 1264 "Hey Sven? It's Faye..." SNAP (pause) (beep boop boop) "Yeah I'll be over around eleven. Bye." 1265 Yelling Bird means only one thing: he forgot his #### Cintiq Pad connectors again. 1266 GUEST STRIP: Dr. Corrine sends Jeph a referral check? (Angela Melick of Wasted Talent) 1267 Hanner's new scarf and Theoretical Knitting. 1268 Too much information is too much for whom? "...it's okay if I talk about my sex life. But I'm not into guys!" (Rhetorical vs. Actualized) 1269 Carbon Nanotube Angora? Dora: "Someday we're gonna find out that your dad is really just a plumber and you're a pathological liar." 1270 The New Espresso Machine! 1271 Laundry Day at Casa Sven! "Can't Get Your Smell Outta My Sheets." 1272 Pirates and Parrots and Poop (oh my!) 1273 Meanwhile, Steve's in another drunken binge... 1274 Sven: "ANTAGONIST with benefits... A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long." 1275 Penelope's Internal Monologue 1276 Hanner's Internal WALL OF MONOLOGUE ("Huh? Oh, nothing.") 1277 Pintsize's Internal Monologue (Pregnant Unicorn Foxes in short pants?) 1278 Sorority chicks and Sorry Tattoos; "You liked tattoos before they got all POPULAR?" were pretty good, for a ska band 1279 LSD as a treatment for OCD? It makes Tai see dragons! 1280 Another Yelling Bird Filler Strip ($&#**^% #!&^ IT!) 1281 Penelope's Crappy Romance Novels featuring a time-traveling Viking who becomes a Navy SEAL... (Cristi loves 'em) 1282 "Mar mar mar mar Marrrrr." 1283 OMG Turkeys 2008 (Hanners 'shippers) 1284 Peanut butter sandwiches in the park (Didn't Sven make those for Will?) "I'm only moderately malnourished!" 1285 Meaningful philosophical discussion interrupted by a... BEAR? 1286 "I can't believe you hid behind the bench." 1287 The wildlife show bear (if he became a member of the cast...) 1288 Arguing Metaphysics on a date; Pen's strict religious upbringing; Dora: "You could've just said yes." We murder your pet and burn your house - $395 (we find out the rest in 1295) 1289 Dora: "...that sounds like the kind of argument your parents would use." Pen: "Yes... but, see, they're wrong." 1290 She found them all. All cute. All animals. Except maybe tapirs. 1291 Faye meets Lydia: "No, no, come in and savor the awkwardness. It's so intense it's almost pleasurable." 1292 "Is this really all there is to it?" Gold bricks and diamonds (The simile still stands.) 1293 Tapirs in Hanner's dreams 1294 Raven and the Submacopter! 1295 Hanner's lack of religion didn't help her fear of dying 1296 Lydia relates the Awkwardness to her "boss" 1297 Faye: "Get any more goody-goody and little cartoon animals are gonna start flocking around you." Raven: "I hope there are bunnies!" (I thought she was quitting?) 1298 Chibi AnthroPC Momo! Sony's newest HPC-4100x-series; "...and live eels out my..." (Marten grabs Hanners ears!) 1299 Sorry I covered your ears. Sorry I smacked you in the face. 1300 I WILL NOT GROW A PENIS FOR YOU 1301 DARPA didn't like your submacopter idea? 1302 Dora grows her hair out; Marten's view on bondage is more "utilitarian" (showing Tai how to do Japanese rope-bondage) [Note: Dora's hair turns back to her natural blonde when she grows it out] 1303 Happy Holidays from the Ladies of QC! 1304 Yelling Bird does the 12 Days of Christmas 1305 Marten tells mom about what he showed his boss in 1302... "I don't CARE how good I look in a corset..." 1306 Raven the "Deepthroat Chopra." 1307 Faye: "You sleep with someone else and I'm GONE." Sven: "Great! That'll save us both an awkward breakup conversation." 1308 Happy new Year! (Winslow 2009, Pintsize 2008) 1309 Marten: "No, things are great. I just felt bad for bringing it up." 1310 Will's on a journey... to find AMERICA! "Like Kerouac and Cassady before me!" 1311 Faye's Cold; Pen gets a letter from Will (Larry, Whitford and BUTCHER?) 1312 MAHTEN... YOU HAVE TO GET TO MAHS... STAHT DA REACTAH... (Dude, that isn't even Schwarzenegger's LINE.) 1313 Hanners passes out in Marty's arms... "Curse my puny indie rock physique!" 1314 Hanners has the flu – and Marten had a unintentional free show (Dora: "I guess I never have to worry about you cheating on me...") 1315 Hanners in a BioSuit... marinating in your own germs? AUGHHH! 1316 Winslow reboots; The year 2647!? "Breast Pits of Sexicon Eleven"... Stop messing with him! 1317 "I'll try to barf more quietly next time." Dora's maternal instincts kick in. (Mom nom nom!) 1318 Sven: "I can see why Will would do something completely retarded to impress you." (Helen of Troy and Medea!) 1319 Sven is such a PIG. 1320 Do you know who Gina Riversmith is? ("I moved North to escape country music. So, no.") 1321 Hanner's worst fear: Water's out in the building, so it's handi-wipe time! (Lemon singularity!) 1322 Cosette flirts with Marten (''A la recherche du temps perdu ''and ''The Stand?) "I gotta get some stronger deodorant." 1323 Cosette just made it worse: "Do you know him?" Dora: "''CARNALLY. ON A REGULAR BASIS." ("It's Penny's turn to clean up the blood.") 1324 Dora the inquisitor: "Anything interesting happen?" Marten: "Uh, no. Not really." ("It's Raven's turn to clean up the blood.") 1325 "You didn't want me to feel insecure, so you decided to hide the fact that another girl asked you out?" ("I didn't say it was a good plan!") 1326 Upset over being dishonest, upset over this becoming a BS test; Apologize and move on (passive-aggressive) 1327 Makeup Pasta! Dora: "Talk about (crappy) timing." Cosette: "Hi, welcome to…" THUD! THUD! THUD! [Single funniest moment in the strip] 1328 It's late at night, and the sighs are louder (Marten, Faye, Penelope... and Pintsize?) Hanners: "Get out of here!" 1329 There should be apology greeting cards for awkward situations. "Sorry I Outed You To Your Family" (We have a winnah!) [Others: "Was That Your Dog? Oh"; "I Didn't Mean Your Retarded Baby"; "I Guess You're Allergic To Peanuts, Huh"; and "Enjoy the comic, see you Monday"] 1330 Drinkin' Scrabble with Marty, Dora and Faye! 1331 Hanners inquires about the game – but "Not if it's gonna involve that much tickling." Faye: "Sigh. I'll go get the hose." that an "Envy Hat"? 1332 Faye 'speriments on Hanners; "Vulcan Boob Squish!" 1333 GUEST STRIP (A Girl And Her Fed); Faye gets her dream wish from 1141... unfortunately, it was only a dream (though Sven left Boo-boo with her.) 1334 Gina Riversmith just made herself a target to Faye... (NSFW) 1335 Faye is Muffin Cthulu! 1336 Nostalgia and Modest Mouse? 1337 1337-speak interlude! (n00bz. STFU! IDGI.) 1338 Lydia: "So what's the lovely and talented Miss Riversmith like in person?" Sven: "Not that great in bed..." WHAT? 1339 Lydia: "I'm double majoring in Music and Being a Decent Human Being." 1340 Hanners: "Most I can hope for is an epitaph that says 'She finally snapped like we always knew she would.' So anyway! Wanna get pancakes?" 1341 Sven braces for impact... and... "Awesome." 1342 Post-traumatic Tourette's Syndrome... right in the middle of downtown Northampton! 1343 Dora: "My idiot brother screwed some other girl." Pen: "Gee, THAT's a shocker... and I reeeeally need to learn to think before I speak." 1344 GUEST STRIP (Remedial Comics) Pintsize flameboy! 1345 "See that face, Pintsize? MEMORIZE IT. Because when the robot revolution comes, I want her to be the first one up against the wall."' <'Pintsize: Actually, we put that on indefinite hiatus. Faye: Damn. Okay, okay, how about if you ever lose your morality programming and go berserk; she's the first one you kill? Pintszie: I think I can do that.> 1346 There's other fish in the sea, Faye. 1347 SMACK! THUD! "Give me one good reason I shouldn't kick the #### out of you right now."; "'I'm sorry?' That's the best you can do?" 1348 Hanners cheers up Faye with National Geographic Big Book of Kitty Pictures! (sells better than their Big Book of Third World Poverty) 1349 Pintsize tries to be a rebound... "The universe could've undergone HEAT DEATH and it'd still be too soon." 1350 So Steve, what have you been up to? Uh... · "Dave proposed to me last night. I had to say yes! We were MEANT for each other! Please understand!" · "Plausible deniability. Nobody would believe you if you tried to expose us... You got a job to do for your country." · "Tell me vhere ze documents are hidden." (Tortura!) "You couldn't beat it outta me, bitch." "Let's see about zat, shall ve?" · "All my plans... FOILED! By YOU?! Who sent you?! NSA? CIA?" "The US Department ... of kicking your ass." "Eh, not much." 1351 "Last I heard, they were trying for kids... Any recent Faye drama I should be aware of?" "Just watch a random episode of Days of Our Lives." 1352 Will's vision quest at Skyclad Acres Nudist Colony? 1353 You want to talk, Faye? We can use puppets! (It was a slow morning.) 1354 Lydia: "You told Faye? It... didn't go well, did it... just gonna keep glaring at me?" 1355 Steve's beard! Hannelore is MORTIFIED! [Steve's T-shirt: I destroyed a secret underground lair and all I got was this lousy t-shirt] 1356 Dr. C: "I see. And how does this make you feel?" "There are two ways to pass a hurdle – leaping over, or plowing through." (There needs to be a monster truck option.) 1357 Dora considers therapy; Faye: "Oh, NOW I get it. You're all driving each other insane!" 1358 The band has hit a roadblock – no guitarist (Amir) and no keyboards (Nat); Steve offers to be a singer; "Dude, they were throwing BOTTLES at your head..." 1359 Faye: "...at least he was honest." (Prancing through a minefield) 1360 Hanners: "Marten, your girlfriend is thinking dirty thoughts about me! Make her stop!" 1361 So who do YOU have dirty thoughts about, Marten?... RAVEN??? 1362 "You always have to tell me I'm the prettiest." (Jeph in the background again?) 1363 Angus drops by (hoping an allosaurus got him); he was dating someone who wasn't fond of CoD (snail in a latte); his "housemates" threw a "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" party when they broke up... yesterday? "I came here hoping to get a good hard rebound sass." price bagels, 2x price muffins, Bacon Latte 1364 Yelling Bird meets Webcomics Weekend's Hawk. 1365 GUEST STRIP (Lucid TV): Hanners never can remember her dreams... 1366 No Words Necessary (Winslow's "gift" to Momo isn't appreciated – and Pintsize takes the brunt of his anger) 1367 Why a tentacle? That's it, Octopuses are off the list! 1368 My thrift store hookup vs. My vintage glasses hookup! 1369 Angus: "We've been having an honest-to-god conversation for 20 minutes now!" Faye: "...Y-yeah, well, I'm not giving your REFILL my number either!" 1370 Jimbo! Skank Sci-Fi! Commentary on our current society! (?) 1371 "There was a boy, we were friends with benefits until he slept with another girl, the end." (It's more complicated than that...) 1372 "So you're just being a useless lump for no particular reason, then?" "YAY, my intern is proud of me. Fat lotta ####in' good THAT does." 1373 "Fancy glasses man is fancy... He's not so bad once you get past the smirking remarks." (Smirking remarks, spike pit, laser cave for Faye!) 1374 "I'm onto you" (Tapir's been served!) [Giraffes? Giraffes!] 1375 The Hawk gives up its prey (Yelling Bird!) 1376 I was licked by a giraffe at the zoo! (That's when I started screaming and they made me leave.) 1377 Faye has a cell-phone Libido Argument. 1378 Faye talks to Dora about her Libido argument; "I know just what we need to do." "Pull out everything but his brain-stem so I can use him as my comatose ####-toy?" 1379 Oh, Wow (A Sexuality Shop) 1380 "The GSX-9500. That's my personal favorite." 1381 "I can't take you anywhere." "Can I have, like, the next... hour off?" 1382 Tai couldn't get the confetti ready! 1383 Perfect Play: A Book about Solved Games 1384 Angus is a professional strawman; "I get paid to adopt a position and then lose the debate over it. ...political rallies, news programs, that kinda thing... The guy I was supposed to debate with was a strawmen hired by the other side..." 1385 So, did you call about the glasses? 1386 Only one thing to do: Speed Beer! Competitive Drunken Sledding! 1387 Hanners LOVES it! 1388 Close the shop! It's a drunken sledding party! (Angus tags along with Faye) THEY ARE BUILDING A RAMP! 1389 "Shouldn't we be worried about the police?" (as they pass by with a toboggan) "friends of Jeph" in the background – and is that Wil Wheaton again? 1390 Sven shows up. "More Kim Jong Il than Jimmy Carter." 1391 Angus suggests a snowball to the head of Sven for Faye? [Background Cameos from: Girls With Slingshots, Dresden Kodak, Octopus Pie, Diesel Sweeties, Anders Loves Maria, Wasted Talents, Johnny Wander] 1392 Aw, man, not YELLING BIRD again... 1393 Angus and Faye say goodnight... and Hanners has lousy aim. 1394 Marten needs to talk to Angus. "Joseph Smith meets the Brady Bunch. Great." 1395 Band Mode and Sex Mode? 1396 Faye is now Miss Gin Mistakes Massachusetts 1397 Sharking: Two-finger poke of DOOM! 1398 Tai got dumped by Jill; "...minute I start getting serious about someone I #### everything up." 1399 Hanners has "smile" issues... 1400 Tai: "Dora! Dora! Marten says I can have sex with you!" Dora: "Nice try, kiddo." Marten: "The Considerate F### Machine. Get it right next time." 1401 No... No wonder! (Hanners freaks out about her own smile?) 1402 "Is there ONE COFFEE SHOP in this town where I can get a latte without being propositions for a threesome?" 1403 Faye: "…how DID you manage to get all those ear piercings…?" Hanners: "I have ear piercings? AAAIEEE!!!! Hehehehe, gotcha" 1404 "I just took an ativan and didn't look... (they're either) antennae for the satellite uplink in my skull... or I just knew it would tick off my mom..." 1405 I'm not quite symmetrical... "Want me to go get my calipers?" 1406 Steve: "T-tortura?.." Marty: "That's 'same ol' same ol'?" 1407 QC Sock Puppet Theatre (Dora, Marten; Sven, Lydia; Faye, Tai; Hanners, Raven) 1408 Steve: "It's a RELIEF! I LIKE having a normal job..." Marten: "I'd rather stick with something more attainable. Like curing cancer, or EATING the MOON." 1409 ONE GIRL asked me out! Tai: "Fix her up with Steve!" Marty: "A picture of you with your shirt off under a waterfall. CLASSY." 1410 Angus given two minutes for Bad Jokes by Faye and Hannelore 1411 Pintsize is unresponsive! Momo: "Shall I make you a tinfoil hat? I am highly skilled at Origami." 1412 He won't even boot off the external drive. Dora overwhelmed by Momo's CUTE! (After 90 seconds, she administers a small electric shock) 1413 Marigold! ZONE! "And what are you doing with Momo-tan?... government-issue chassis... DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING... Pet rat?" 1414 "Prolly a hardware issue... bypassed the chassis hardware, he's booting up..." (pause) "Wow that's a lot of porn... Whatever. I'm copying the hentai directory." 1415 "How can you LIVE in that kind of mess?... she shouldn't be living in that kind of filth. It's not healthy... I've got it! Hey, Hannelore? It's Dora..." 1416 "I am Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. I END MESSES." (Pintsize: "Last time I ever try to rewire myself... Oooh, Pocky!") 1417 Marigold: "Oh, god, what is she doing in there?" 1418 Hanners: "I'm coming back in a week, and if this place isn't SPOTLESS I'm throwing out everything you own and you can START OVER." 1419 Angus: "Hey Marigold, I – what are you guys doing here?... You cleaned Marigold's room? THANK YOU!" STOP HUGGING STOP HUGGING STOP HUGGING!!! 1420 Marigold: "You mixed the yaoi in with the regular stuff... Here. This is yaoi." (Magical Love Gentleman! Hanners is hooked!) 1421 Momo: "There is no such this as a 'sentience matrix.'" Pintsize: "Wait, what?" ["AnthroIRC 3.1", Pintsize0101, PT410x (our antagonist), 3ve (from AppleGeeks, Red_Robot (Diesel Sweeties), and KimikoRoss (Dresden Kodak)] 1422 Faye gets caught up... "Wait, YOUR roommate fixed MY roommate's horrible pet robot?" Angus: "I owe Hannelore at LEAST two drinks..." Faye: "Smarming your way into my social circle ain't gonna earn you any brownie points, you know." 1423 Marten: "After what happened with Sven, I don't wanna see you get hurt like that again... I'll use a net. Hannelore with administer a sedative, and Dora will drive the getaway van." 1424 Lydia: "Have you done ANYTHING lately other than play WOW and sleep?" "Your eyes are shining like the bottom of a bottle of beer" "Already sold it... I'm thinking of buying a house." 1425 Angus and Marten in the Awkward Zone... Frosty Beers and Fancy Outfits! AWKWARD ZONE DEFEATED! 1426 So wassa deal with you an' Faye, anyway? "her issues with dudes... HELLA issues." 1427 Angus: "...she just seems cool. She's pretty, she's smart, she's funny..." Marten: "You're better off strikin' out swingin'..." 1428 GUEST STRIP (Hijinks Ensue) Hannerlore can't handle ComicCon (and neither can Jeph?) 1429 Marten asks Angus about Marigold; she's always got something "geeky" to do… but at what price? (Marigold's alone, sighing at home) 1430 Cosette returns, and Marten's got the Bearskin rug photo... 413-3XX-8704 "So, uh, I dunno if you'd be interested in meeting – " YES! 1431 "...you stay up most of the night drinkin' with a dude and you get a pretty good idea of what he's about." scones, chorizo latte 1432 Look who's at the door! WILL! "Shut up and kiss me, you dolt." 1433 Dora: "Seriously, would you two just go home and #### already? You're distracting the customers." Faye: "And making me nauseous." Pen: "Gimme ten more minutes, I wanna get paid for this full hour." 1434 Will: "You liked my letters?" Pen: "I don't think they'll let us have sex inside Washington's nose at Mount Rushmore..." 1435 Pintsize and how Rule 34 gives him hope for humanity! 1436 Time to get rid of that hoodie, Marten honey. 1437 Penelope bursts! Will: "And that's another thing I love about you – your sense of hyperbole." 1438 Will's in love, Sven's in... contempt? 1439 "I want you to do a sculpture for the shop." "You realize I mainly did abstract metal sculpture, right?" 1440 Marigold wants to watch anime with Hanners! Hanners wants her to SHOWER FIRST! (Chibi AnthroPC's have clear viscous liquid to simulate nervous sweat drops... ewwww.) 1441 Magical Love Gentleman! Angus is roped in! 1442 Will ran out of money, got evicted by his father, didn't have a job... "So basically you're telling me you're a TOTAL ####ING LOSER?" 1443 He worked in college six years ago... Wil: "...if I start looking for a job, you'll stay?" Pen: "...For every resume you send out, I'll remove an article of clothing." 1444 Angus wasn't into anime at first, but he got more and more into it. "He actually cried at the ending!" (Faye starts to drool catatonically) 1445 Angus gets hit by a wall of... SCORN! (Faye needs a cigarette!) 1446 What's this "secret things" item in the sculpture budget? 1447 "It is a McDonald's Cashier, and he stoppeth one of three. 'By thy patchy beard and glittering eye, wherefore earn'st thou a liberal arts degree?'" 1448 Angus: "Wait, so it's okay that (MARTEN) cries at cartoons, but not when I'' do it?" Faye: "He was a ''little kid!" Dora: "What? No, we just rented The Land Before Time last –" Marten: "HUSH YE, WOMAN" 1449 GUEST STRIP (Rosalarian): Why Dora REALLY stopped dyeing her hair (kissing you is like kissing my own child!) 1450 Pintsize's proposal precludes a Pounding! ("Gauss-rifle" WHAT?) 1451 GUEST STRIP (bunny-comic.com) Hanners takes the "boys" to the beach! 1452 GUEST STRIP (Danielle Corsetto!) Bad timing, Sven... 1453 GUEST STRIP (johnnywander.com) QC Slashfic personified! 1454 GUEST STRIP (John Keogh's Lucid TV) Uh... Hanners? In a western? With Pintsize? 1455 GUEST STRIP (Diesel Sweeties) Magical Love Phone? 1456 Yelling Bird Returns from ComicCon 1457 Marigold: "Does Faye... often get this violent with Pintsize?... I wanna (make sure) you're not secretly ABUSING him." And what does Pintsize first go for? (See 415) "Sorry about the new dent." 1458 Hanners: "Decimal point. You misplaced the decimal point in this column." (And that check for $65,000 would probably bounce, Faye; wait, the whole Argentinian economy, Hanners?) 1459 "Even banged up like this, his chassis is still worth four or five grand, easy." NO JUDE LAW CHASSIS! 1460 Pintsize: "Do not mock the Breast Jihad!" Momo: "She would like nothing more than to attend your social function!" Marigold: "What... what am I gonna DO?" Momo-sama: "YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME." (SZZZZT!) 1461 Faye: "You invited MARIGOLD?" Hanners: "You have to be nice, Faye! I'll be so mad at you if you make fun of her! ...I remember what that was like." 1462 Marten: "So you were really nervous when you came up and introduced yourself to Steve and me?" Faye: "Well yeah, you coulda just told me to #### off, and that woulda sucked." Marten: "...yeah, YOU suck, but if I hadn't met you I wouldn't have met Dora." Faye: "Aww, it's been FOREVER since I've had to punch you!" 1463 Marigold doesn't realize she's been watched as she comes in (and if she chickens out, the bartender owes Faye $20!) 1464 Marigold: "Wh-what's going on?" Hanners: "You came in!" Faye: "You just cost me 20 bucks." Monacled Barkeep: "I'm putting it on her tab." 1465 Marigold meets Faye (Feel free to hit her if she's mean to you. HEY!) Marigold has issues with beer. (What kind, that is) 1466 Marten beer-mentors Marigold. Dora trusts Marty (and this is the lady who nearly eviscerated a girl for askin' him out a while back?) "Drat, you found me out. I'm not the real Dora, but a clockwork simulacra." 1467 "Look, this is a delightful little heart-to-hear we're having but I have to PEE" 1468 Marigold: "Can I try a sip of your wine?" Hanners: "Um... no please? ...backwash and all..." (Marten: "This is the setup for the most awkward lesbian porn scene ever.") 1469 90% of what comes out of Faye's mouth is meaningless sass-talkin'. (And the other ten percent is burps) "NNNNDYOUGUYSSUCK" 1470 RIP Les Paul (Multitrack Forty Pours!) 1471 Angus was uninvited. Marigold: "I can't believe what this corset is doing to my boobs." 1472 "...you guys are so...cool" BAHAAAAHAHAHA! Dude, we're NOT cool. 1473 "DAMMIT Momo you are going to stop playing that video game THIS INSTANT and have a CIVIL CONVERSATION or you are GROUNDED!" "...I'M GONNA VOID MY WARRANTY, THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY!"'' 1474 "St-stay away from me!" TZZZAP! POP! ''AAAUGH! 1475 "Momo friggin' BLEW UP my PC!" "I didn't mean to! WAAAAH!" (Marigold isn't very self-aware) 1476 Faye apologizes to Angus; "Without that extra couple minutes I'll be too sleepy to hide the bodies properly." Angus: "...I know this great rock quarry outside town..." Faye: "...The 9.6 Ditchfork gave it is BS, it's an 8.0 dump site at BEST." 1477 Hanners hits the sweet spot of 40 hours of being awake... and has some issues with coffee. (GO TO SLEEP.) 1478 Unfortunately, that's the day they decide to tear up the street in front of Hanner's apartment... 1479 Dijon Mustard is the winner! What kind of work is a poet qualified for? "Beowulf was actually just Viking viral marketing." latte; ambergris tea; BLOOD + THUNDER 1480 Penelope: "THAT's the nicest suit you own?!" Monacled owner of the Horrible Revelation: "You're hired." 1481 Sven: "I miss you." Faye: "WHAT." 1482 "And now I'M gonna have nightmares about getting pregnant after murder-sexing him in a dumpster. THANKS." 1483 "Large Phillips screwdriver. Thermal paste. Squirrel." "I was... I was joking!" RULES t-shirt 1484 Will got the job! No shame in doing what Pen wants... "No, you're right. You're a lucky dude. Don't mess it up.... There's really nothing worse than regret." 1485 "I don't CARE how you CAUGHT HIM, get him OUT FROM UNDER MY BED!" 1486 Sven: "Basically I picked the worst possible girl on earth to develop a conscience and feelings and such about." 1487 Angus gets hit by squirrel, Momo, and Marigold! (...You said you were goin' home.) "It's not safe there." 1488 It's just sad. (Sven and Faye, that is.) (schadenhorny) 1489 Hanners watches as Mar "raids" on WOW... like paint drying? AWESOME! 1490 FRRRT! "'''Oh god I'm so sorry! I forgot you were there!"' 1491 Want any baked goods before we play muffin toss? (Muffins are most accurate, walnut brownies hit harder) 1492 "My friend Hannelore is watching me play. ...Yes,'' it's a girl's name." (pause) "NO we are NOT going to 'lez out'" 1493 "Have you ever had a boyfriend?" "N-no, I don't think I ever COULD... you?" "You can probably guess..." "Umm, six?" "..off by six." "TWELVE?! WOW!" 1494 "Apparently being in such close proximity to my loveliness causes a time-dilation effect." (I'm out of astrophysics quips. Gimme five minutes on Wikipedia...) 1495 Hanners: "You're so pretty!" Mar: "No I'm not..." Hanners: "Angus! You're a boy, you know about these things. Marigold is pretty, right?" Angus: "Yes I'm afraid so. Marigold... is pretty." Hanners: "I see a '''smiiiilllllle" LISTS SUCK; #### MARIGOLD CLEAN YR LEFTOVERS 1496 " Marigold? Approve my latest firmware update?... Oh wow, I have digits!" (Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop) "MAKE IT STOP!!!!" 1497 Faye: "All I told him was I'd be civil to him when he was in the shop. I'm sorry he 'misses me' or whatever but that's the best I can do." Dora: "You should become a professional Philandering A-hole Therapist." Faye: "Next time I try to 'fix' a boy it's gonna be with a pair of hedge clippers." 1498 Corrupt version of the update. Pintsize: "Man, I want digits! Gimme a copy of that update!" B-but we have completely different chassis, there is no telling what it will –" Four THUMBS? 1499 Jeph & Cristi at one year... and Yelling Bird? 1500 I AM THE THUMBLORD! "Okay, which one of us is dreaming this?" 1501 Marigold: "…the other two girls in my guild. They're always postin' slutty pictures of themselves on our forums… What're you doing?" Angus: "What's the address?..." Marigold: "You're such a jerk." (WoW sluts gives you Night Elf porn?) 1502 Photography 101: It's all in the angles and cropping… "...you can also use the clone stamp tool in PS to get rid of your pimples." (YOU'RE SUCH A JERK) 1503 "Aren't you HORRIFIED by my FREAKISH, CRONENBERGIAN METAMORPHOSIS?" No. (Oh, did you get the bad firmware upgrade too? Marigold has a patch that will –) "You people friggin' SUCK." 1504 Angus comforts Marigold… and her Badtz-Maru panties… 1505 "You're not an idiot, you're just a little shaky on the self-esteem front." BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL… 1506 Where did AnthroPC's come from? · Hanners: "Basically, the first artificial mind came together from a combination of non-sentient software and hardware. Once we figured out that combination, it was easy to reproduce, and that's where all you little guys came from!" · Winslow: "Pintsize says that's a cover story and the REAL origin of sentient machines is 'cause somebody had sex with a computer." · Hanners: "…who would ever want to have sex with a regular old COMPUTER?... dad? You there?" · (To Dora) "And then he got all quiet and changed the subject." (Can't… can't imagine why…) 1507 Dora: "You want to grow a ''MOUSTACHE''." Marten: "Just for a couple of days?" Dora: "..in return I'm gonna stop grooming my lady-area." Dora Bianchi International Airport? 1508 Steve: "Dune-themed costume party!" 1509 Raven's back off to school; Dora: "I'm a small business owner. You're the underachieving peon." Faye: "Zugzug." 1510 So Raven's really studying physics now? Raven: "...It just feels so much more ...SCIENCY this way!" 1511 Tai: "School's nerd convention (NRRD CON) is this weekend!... you could get Dora a corset!" Marten: "No thanks. In my family that's traditionally a Mother's Day present." 1512 Tai: "So your parents split up basically 'cause your dad realized he was gay?" Marten: "…it definitely contributed to things… deteriorating… (ring) Speak of the devil. (Dad's coming up this weekend!) Oh, I wasn't joking. He really did ruin my childhood. (pause) Nah, I'm just kidding…" Tai: "I'm glad you have a sense of humor, but could you please not bring it to work with you?" 1513 Dora finds out about NRRDcon and Marty's Dad coming to visit at the same time! "Do your parents ever plan ANYTHING more than a couple days in advance?" (conceiving joke – and an oblique reference to 922) 1514 Dora's in a tizzy, and Marten can't understand why: "You did fine with my mom…" Dora: "…we weren't dating yet, and I kind of wanted to MAKE OUT with your mom." Marten: "Oooh, yeah, definitely don't try that approach with dad." 1515 Henry and Maurice (OH MY GOD YOU ARE GONNA BE SO HOT WHEN YOU GO GRAY) 1516 Maurice is an environmental engineer, wetlands preservation. (they met at his nightclub; he "then proceeded to drink too much, vomit on my shoes, and pass out in one of the bathroom stalls.") Developed naturally = spent the entire weekend in bed. Marten: "I'm full up on parental-sex-life-horror thanks to mom. Did you know she has a blog now?" Dora: "GIVE ME THE URL. NOW." 1517 They're going skiing up at Stowe in Vermont. "How would you feel about, uh… about me remarrying?" (Huh? Guh… buh… gah?) "Oh, I know. Those were his first words." (Muh?) 1518 Are you okay with this? "Omigod can I be the flower girl?" 1519 Marcel: "W-wait, you were ''serious''?" 1520 He said YES! Let's celebrate (We have a weird group of friends...) 1521 Karaoke with Dad and friends! Who did what and when – and why did Faye punch Hanners? 1522 "I'm gonna refer to you as Dad Two: Dad Harder." And Faye does the first class sass revenge on the man who smacked her in the butt! (Now remember, fifty grand when it's born or the little bastard goes to China to make Nikes.) 1523 Hanners: "come to Smif Nerd-Con with me!" Marigold: "Let's do this." 1524 Dora wants to go to NRRDcon too… And Pintsize's doujinshi??? 1525 Marigold won the Magical Love Gentleman trivia contest! And got a stuffed Sosuke! (Dora checks: anatomically correct!) And Hanners got Faye a TSUNDERE shirt… 1526 JIMBO? Vampire steampunk young-adult romance – "Antoinette Banemoon and the Case of the Airship Automatons" 1527 Marigold the awkward Superfan (Anything broken? "Juzdt by dignidy.") 1528 Marten DOES look good as a little Yaoi Boy! (Magical Love Gentleman Marten!) 1529 Will's not digging the working man's lifestyle. "O great and noble poet" 1530 Marten: "…And all it cost me was my dignity." Marigold: "You do make a pretty good Ichiro." Marten had a fanboy episode with Thurston Moore… who's Thurston Moore? 1531 Angus asks Faye out; Faye gets all freaked out: "...I JUST HANDLED A BOY-SITUATION LIKE A ''NORMAL HUMAN BEING!... WHAT IS '''''HAPPENING TO ME?!" (p-p-please s-stop sh-sh-shaking m-me) 1532 Let the second guessing begin ("I didn't get all weird or anything... Although... Of course... unless... But then... if I assume... Unless...") Penny: "aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA!" 1533 Angus takes Marigold to the movies... after Marigold does a mindwipe (What WAS Momo doing with her Ichiro figure?) 1534 Marigold: "I'm trying to be less of a shut-in." Angus: "You were 'that weird chick who never leaves her room.' We used to... speculate about what you spent all your time doing in there... My friend Chad was CONVINCED you were secretly a fetish model or camwhore or something..." 1535 "It was nice to actually spend some time with you for a change!" (Marigold puts on a happy face!) 1536 Nonconsensual Snuggling Marigold! 1537 The "Moustache Rides $5,000" t-shirt 1538 Hanners doesn't understand what it means... which is a good thing. (Forget bearded clams or bald tacos...) 1539 Nope, never heard from her... (How do we find her?) 1540 Marty & Steve stop by Tai's dorm room... and Marty sits on a couple of unexpected things! 1541 While Steve figures out it's Cosette Beauvais (with Tai's help), Marty deals with Annette (the physics teacher at Hampshire – who likes bongs?) 1542 Tai: "Guys, this started off as a fun little diversion but if I end up having to testify in court I'm gonna be SO PISSED." 1543 Steve: "Yeah, right. I'll be walkin' down the street one day and she'll just fall into my – " (limp limp limp AGH!) "...Arms?" "H-hi!" 1544 Turkeys 2009 (the ladies do some 'shipping) 1545 "Hi I'm Randy! I'm a Bandicoot!" (Yelling Bird HATES Randy) 1546 Cosette is on crutches with a black eye, and just got out of the hospital; Steve: "What happened to YOU?" Luna: "She was going down the stairs but was too busy ogling that picture of you and missed a ste''OOF!" Cosette used the wrong crutch for that 'WHACK!' though... 1547 Desperate Cosette is ''desperate! Luna: "I saw... I saw a tunnel of light, with my granddad waiting at the end, waving to me..." 1548 Luna: "I'm not stalking you! I just want a friggin' latte!" Faye: "Sorry, we only do friggin' lattes on Wednesday." 1549 Hanners meets Steve and Cosette at yon Italian restaurant; "STEVEN! A gentleman NEVER asks a lady to do that on the first date!" 1550 Cosette's intense – and very unlucky; and I think I've seen that person complaining to Faye before – in a toy store? (Amber from Shortpacked! cameo) 1551 Cosette: "I've just never been on a random date with a guy that went this well before. I keep expecting something to go wrong." 1552 Team Riker looks on as the fire alarm sounds! Steve gets welcomed "to the club" (Boyfriend Waiting Area) 1553 Nice haircut, Marigold! "Because you're a STUPID JERK! Who SMELLS!" Angus: "O venom-tongued maiden! Stay your barbs, I beseech you!" 1554 And then.. POP! Goes her neck! Luna: "What the hell were you doing?!" (at least she can wiggle her toes...) 1555 Roombas make for lousy extreme sport vehicles. Winslow: "Maybe if we put on a spoiler it'll go faster." 1556 After five hours in ER, it's nothing to be worried about... but Steve's left hangin'. Marten: "NOT IN MY BATHROOM!" (Dora: "There's lotion under the sink!") 1557 Roomba to Houston, we have liftoff! dialogue 1558 Angus' suicide joke makes Faye uncomfortable – and Angus doesn't believe her. 1559 Angus realizes she's telling the truth…''and runs away ("apparently I'm not a very credible source of information.") 1560 OH MY GOD I'M AN IDIOT. "You insensitive ASSHOLE!" 1561 "Wow, I can't believe you just told Angus about your dad all up-front like that… yesterday you told him that you were descended from a family of Civil War pirates." "My grandma made cryptic references to our ancestors bein' boarded by YANKEE… ''SEAMEN????" 1562 Dora: "If that were true, we'd be calling them 'whitakers' instead of 'hookers.'" Faye: "I have allure coded right into my genes!" 1563 Faye tells Marten about her "incident" with Angus… and then realizes the implications. 1564 Faye apologizes for hurting Marten ("I'm a different person than I was back then. Because of you. You helped me over that hurdle.") Too bad Marty smells like daffodils. 1565 Happy Holidays from the MEN of QC! 1566 A Very Sweet-tits New Year! (Andy comes over for the party – WHAT party?) 1567 SHAME ORB? (June 14, 1987) 1568 Party's OVER! (Yelling bird in a bottle) 1569 Andy gives her some… $3 wine? 1570 Happy ####ing New Year. 1571 Angus likes you. "He's gotta run the gauntlet." Sven didn't have to. "HE used a cheat code." 1572 Marty: "First I was pissed… but Faye's right, she IS a different person than she was back then, and I guess maybe I helped make that happen… so (why be) mad at her?... ..what do I have to do to convince you I'm happy with you, #### you in the ear?" Pintsize: "Friggin FINALLY" 1573 M-MY SOCIAL PROTOCOL DATABASE ADVISES YOU TO REFRAIN FROM COMPLETING THAT SENTENCE! 1574 WELP I'M GOIN' TO BED (It's not what it looks like! "Well, it SORT OF is, but…") 1575 Hanners isn't very good at using self-defense equipment (Telescoping batons HURT!) 1576 Dora: "I'm pretty sure these are illegal in Massachusetts. Like, FELONY illegal." Hanners: "…there's only one solution… I MUST ELIMINATE ALL WITNESSES OF MY CRIME" Dora: "BAD Hanners! NO murdering friends! BAD!" 1577 Dora: "What if we moved in together?... I meant YOU could move in with ME!" 1578 Thinking about the future is scary. "You think it's scary NOW, wait'll I start talking about getting married and having kids. (I- wha- Buh) 1579 Marty talks to Faye; "Tell her that you can have a place of your own, but only if I get custody of you on weekends." (Marty's having flashbacks to his parents' custody battles over him…) [Note on fridge: THE ICE CREAM IS '''MINE' – F ] 1580 Faye: "I'll be honest with you – I'D rather you just move in with Marty and me. You're over practically every night as it is, and I like havin' y'all around." (My secret nickname for you is "sex pony" – Whiiinnyyyy!) 1581 Dora: "I want to move in with you and Faye." 1582 Hanners: "Need any help moving or cleaning?" Dora: "Look, I know you want to help, but I'm just trying to spare you the horror of itemizing my Big Box O' Sex Toys." Pony Mocha; Humpy Sound Latte; Butts LOL 1583 "Oh yeah I'm at work, this is the PERFECT time to talk about my poor dead dad and how I've got hella issues because of him." 1584 Mieville meets Pintsize. (Marten: "This is going to end badly.") 1585 Hanners meets Mieville: "FrrieeeEEENNDSSS???" 1586 Hanners: "I dunno. When I was kid I always imagined I'd be normal by now." 1587 Half of it is going to Goodwill... Marten: "Please don't, it's too early in the morning to be surrounded by singing Munchkins." (After which Faye smacked him off-panel?) 1588 Moving... and Miss OCDelightful gets curious about the "party favors"... 1589 (Since when does Steve have a truck?) Marten: "What, you think I'm too wimpy to pick (the couch) up myself?" Steve: "Yes." Dora: "You're MY delicate flower." 1590 Angus vs. Penelope 2: "You're really bad at this." "And you're an idiot." 1591 Post-moving snuggles by Dora (and the mystery has been dead for a while now) 1592 Faye gets Surprise morning Snuggles! (and 1228 comes back to haunt her!) "Would you 'please' stop cuddling me?" "But you're so 'warm!" 1593 Tai finds out about the move; "How come you hardly ever include me in anything?" Lawns of gold and Astroturf? Who's got which? 1594 Repairing the damage... and why is that Roomba trying to hump the other prototypes, Jenkins? (iRoomba R&D Lab) 1595 Tai wants "that kind" of relationship (and Marten's girl!) 1596 Tai: "My ideal is basically you, only single." Dora: "Once they perfect cloning, you can have Dora-2." Marten: "Dibs on Dora 3 through 15. Gonna start me a clone-harem." 1597 Marigold does the WOW "booty" dance! (Angus joins in) 1598 Marigold and Angus Can Dance! 1599 Angus learned dancing at his "super-fancy prep schools for rich kids"; didn't learn much in "joining a Secret Society" (but he did find "Blackmail and Kidnapping Avoidance" interesting...) 1600 They were talking about dancing! DANCING! ("I've never done that before." "You'll get better with practice.") 1601 We've seen this one before, haven't we? version of strip #3; this time we see Marten checking out Faye 1602 Tai commiserates about her lack of stable relationships; Pintsize offers his "services" 1603 Tai's drunk (after only 1 ½ beers); She's in Faye's lap, she's into girls... "Well, you're really warm." Faye: "I'll turn up the thermostat." 1604 Marten smashed his thumb with a hammer (drunk picture hanging is not recommended); Hanners appears with her cricket bat because she thought they "might have snapped and, um, started killing everyone." (Glass houses, lady!) 1605 Hannelore makes wusses of them all (is she REALLY going to pop Marten's thumbnail?) 1606 "That's like the 15th time you've tried..." ''NO! I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!'' 1607 She does it! And... saves some of the ''resulting '''blood? 1608 Ladypile on Faye's lap! Marten: "Dammit, I'm gone for 'five minutes' and now 'this." 1609 Hanners: "I mean, SURE, I might send a sample off to test for genetic disease markers, track his chromosomal history, that sort of thing. But CLONING? That's just silly.... What?" [Note on fridge: DIE DIE DIE] 1610 That couch has seen worse bodily fluids; Hannelore: "I am taking Tai up to ''MY APARTMENT'' before she catches ''A DISEASE." 1611 No, Tai doesn't normally sleep naked... 1612 Finally found her clothes in the dishwasher... "Anyway, long story short – we're engaged now." '''''DWAH? 1613 Marigold the Coffee Maiden! 1614 Winslow meets Mieville – and Mieville turns him into a cat mat 1615 Marigold visits Coffee of Doom; awkward conversation about rapier wits and pool noodles. Metal Latte! 1616 Dora tries to make Marigold feel better; "...using someone else's computer feels weird. Like wearing another person's pants or something."; Dora: "... I really shoulda done laundry this morning." 1617 How Marigold met Angus; calling "not-cool" on each other; "...around you I feel more like Don Quixote." 1618 Marigold does have a job – website developer! "Not bad for an amateur"; "Ooh, we hit a nerve!" 1619 Marigold: "That kind of HTML was cutting edge in, like, 1995..." Dora has Cuddle Rabies! [Smiley face on the muffin?] 1620 YELLING BIRD: Secret Plotline Text File: "Everyone #####, then I retire; Hannelore Realdoll" 1621 Marigold wasn't traumatized by Faye; "...it's not like she put a dissected frog down my shirt or anything." [The Forgotten Eyeglasses of Angus strip] 1622 Marigold forgot her wallet! Faye wants to go bug Angus some more [or did she want to find out if he had a crappy place?]; Dora: "If your pay was based on good PR your great-grandchildren would still be working off the debt." 1623 Faye: "I'm the friggin' Sherlock Holmes of wacky AnthroPC mishaps." 1624 Angus cleans, Faye peeks, Momo blushes! Faye: "I was just curious!" 1625 The wallet is returned, but the bourbon is flowing! "Okay, I'm in. But for the record, I resent you tryin' to entice me with alcohol." 1626 Marigold's reaction to good bourbon: "NO I'M FINE IT WAS GOOD I LIKE IT?" (Faye: "Dinner, drinks AND a show!") CANCER MULE single-batch bourbon whiskey. 136 proof. Guaranteed to harm you and your pets." 1627 Marten and Dora discuss tacos, bourbon, burritos, gin; Dora: "Twenty bucks says they hook up." Pintsize: "He's going to dinner-#### her booze hole!" 1628 Faye finds out Marigold's "secret admirer"... or is it "secret crush?" AWKWARDNESS LEVEL CRITICAL! "Wow look at the time I really oughta get going" (as her drunk bubbles pop) Angus: "Huh?" Marigold" "Bye Faye!" 1629 Faye returns home: "We were drunk and talkin' about boys, and Angus left the room, and she basically admitted to it." Marten: "You're, uh, aware he's kind of got the hots for YOU, right?" "NO, I'm BRAIN-DEAD and DIDN'T NOTICE." Dora: "So wait, you left Angus, who's DRUNK, and Marigold, who's ALSO DRUNK, and wants to JUMP HIS BONES, ''BY THEMSELVES?. "; quick cut to Hannelore building a house of cards with the worry hat on... and that's when Faye's expletive-deleted shakes the foundations of their apartment... 1630 And back at Angus's place... 'SHE KISSES THE BOY! 1631 "WHOA hang on, hang on. You're drunk, you don't know what you're doing... NO, no, Marigold you're GREAT, you're ''WONDERFUL.'' But we're just friends." (and...down goes Marigold! DOWN goes MARIGOLD!) [Momo gets the last comment... or is that a finger?] 1632 "Having Trouble Sleeping" (right); "You're a Good Man, Angus McPhee" ("Whoa, boob, awesome.") 1633 Hannelore Helps Hangovers – and accepts HUGS? Meanwhile, Marigold sets land speed records into the bathroom... 1634 Magical Love Gentleman! [April 1, 2010… DUH.] 1635 Hanners gets Maternal; Angus: "How are you not freaking out right now?" Hanners: "I'm storing it for later, when I can discharge it at a safe location. Maybe Yucca Mountain, or the Moon." 1636 Marigold wakes up to the post-hangover Self-Hatred; Hannelore says STOP IT! Marigold: "See? I AM pathetic. Even you're mad at me." Hanners: "Ooh, I could just SHAKE YOU right now if I didn't think you'd throw up on me." 1637 Faye fills in Dora and Marten on Marigold and Hannelore; Marten: "Yeah, hookin' up with your roommate is a ''terrible'' idea. pause "I mean, you'd have to be some kind of ''idiot'' to think that could ''possibly''…" Faye: "Is he trying to be ironic?" (I think so) "Should we start hitting him?" (Yeah.) [Faye's drinking right from the carafe!] 1638 Hanners and Marigold apologize; "I promise I won't get the wrong idea and get drunk and try to make out with you." "I promise I won't become so fixated on you I eventually murder you and make a suit out of your skin!" 1639 Steve: "Angus is a better man than me. I probably woulda hooked up with her... Man, you get me drunk enough and I'll make out with just about anyone." Marten: "He's notkidding. One time at a party someone dared him to kiss me on the lips and the ####er used FULL TONGUE ACTION." Dora: "RECREATE THIS. NOW." Faye: "SHUT UP AND START DRINKING." 1640 Dale orders Number 28! (Chili and pop rocks in a Mocha, on the secret menu) Dora: "Yeah, you know, the one we only tell regulars we LIKE about?" Faye: "OMIGOD you never told MARTEN about the secret menu?" Dale: "Daaaang, that's cold. I mean, that is some serious reevaluate-the-relationship type #### right there." Dora: "DALE YOU ARE NOT HELPING." 1641 Marten: "I can't BELIEVE you never told me you had a secret menu." Dora: "I assumed Faye did!" Faye: "I don't tell ANYBODY about the secret menu. It's a pain in the ass." Dora: "You told ''Sven." Marten: "You told '''''SVEN and not ME?! ...Everything I thought I knew is a LIE!" Dora: "Oh, now you're just being melodramatic." joke and punching in the #### 1642 About last night... "I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I know you don't like me." Friends? Friends. (So why isn't she letting go?) 1643 Hanners returns... to a Roomba family reunion? Winslow: "They came back to visit!" Roomba, Hanners jet-pack Roomba, and three "little ones" 1644 The Espressosaurus! (scale prototype); "...the full-size model woulda weight 2 tons. Put a hemi in that sucker and it'd crap 300 gallons of coffee a minute." 1645 The Gallery Owners; "Honey, it'd be perfect for your gallery." "If I wanted to commission one of those for sale, how much – " Dora: "Two thousand dollars. 50% today, and the other 50% on delivery. She can have it ready within six weeks or so." Faye: "What just happened?" Dora: "I got a 10% commission on that sale, that's what." 1646 GUEST STRIP (Danielle Corsetto): Marigold doesn't know what "motorboating" means? 1647 GUEST STRIP (Carly Monardo): "Fo' Sho(jo)" – Things are still a LOT weird between Angus and Marigold 1648 Dora dubs it T-rexpresso; Penny: "Boring? BORING?! YOU WORK A CRAPPY SERVICE-INDUSTRY JOB THAT YOU CONSTANTLY WHINE ABOUT AND WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE TO GET PAID TO DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY YOU HAVE THE GALL TO BITCH ABOUT IT BEING ''BORING?! ''" ["rage-induced aneursym"; "you burst my eardrums!"; "my premiums are gonna skyrocket" 1649 Dora catches Pen in Hypocritical Mode: "So you say you'd 'kill' to work in publishing, but you don't wanna pay your dues to get to that point?... I swear, you two aren't underachievers so much as ANTIachievers." Faye: "Well, duh. That's why we work here." sword on the nose act? 1650 Sven's reading a book on the History of the Crusades... and getting hit upon by blondes. Will bartender getup, complete with fake goatee and mustache: "I do believe that young lady was attempting to hit on you." Sven: "Meh. Could you grab me a fresh napkin? This one's got phone number all over it." 1651 Momo confronts Marigold about not eating; "Scatological Judo" (no more hanging around Pintsize for her) 1652 Collision Course! Marigold "runs into" Sven! Momo is left dazed and confused (and speechless?) 1653 Dora consoles Marigold, who just then notices she still has Sven's book on the Crusades! (Dora: "Geez, if it's THAT bad you should just return it.") 1654 Faye plays the smartass role to Marigold's misfortunes ("bibliokleptomaniac!"); Faye: "Nah, this is the real world. He's probably just some creep who walks around with a history book in public to try and look 'smart.' And if you end up tracking him down you'll just have an unsatisfying one-night stand and get chlamydi''MMPH" Dora applies the duct tape 1655 And then Sven entered… '"AAAH!" "AAAH!" "AAAAAAAAAAH!" 'Head Latte picture on wall' ''' 1656 Faye: "Don't let him make eye contact with you! He has an evil sexy gaze! He's a cockatrice!" (Wh-wha?) Dora: "Marigold is OFF LIMITS, you understand?" Sven: "I'm not gonna friggin' seduce her, I just want my book back… I wonder whether you inherited your Crazy Bitch from Mom or Dad's side. Aunt Hilde is pretty cantankerous, but I think Grandma Bianchi actually killed a man once." 1657 "So, uh, can I get my book back?" (meanwhile, Faye is tossing Momo up in the air) Sven: "Boo!" Marigold: "Eeek!" Faye: "Stop that!" (Meanwhile, Momo is upside-down in Faye's hand, and holding her skirt up for dear life…) 1658 "The Dream Sequence" (or, do AnthroPC's have sexy dreams?) Momo-tan has "received some… upgrades" – all for Sven? ["MOMO! I said, are you ready to go?" "Buh?"] 1659 Marten: "I can't believe you took care of Marigold like that." Hanners: "I didn't have time to think. I just did it." "Are you less freaked out by touchin' other people?" "Touch me and we'll find out!" (Touch!) "Meeeeeheeheehee!" (pause) "Was… was that FLIRTING just now?! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be flirty!... OH GOD DORA I HAVE TO GO APOLOGIZE TO DORA!" ("Two steps forward, one step back.") 1660 "I'M SORRY I LET HIM POKE ME I'M SO SORRY" Dora: "Well, Hannelore, I'm afraid there's only one way you can rectify this situation." (Seppuku? I think Marigold has a katana.) must be thinking about what Dora said in 635 "I get to poke you!" Marten joins in: "Poking three-way!" Dora: "Ooh, kinky!" Faye: "Tsk, it's always the uptight ones that end up total pokesluts." (Hannelore, meanwhile is "eeeeeeeee!") 1661 Randi (is a she – she had babies!), Shelby is "a Great Peerer... Prenny... I'm a Dog!" (Yelling Bird should really relax!) 1662 Hannelore wonders if she's a clone; "I wonder what meeting her would be like"; Hannerclone: "Who do you think's been doing all our mother's dirty work over the years?...Don't worry, I'll wait 'til yer dead 'fore I yank yer teeth." (Marty: "Hanners? Hannelore? Are you okay?") 1663 Angus wants to pursue things with Faye; "You've... you've been allowed to sit the exam. But you haven't passed yet."; Dora's two-panel SQUEEEEEEEEEEE! (WOULD YOU STOP THAT? "I'LL STOP WHEN YOU STOP BEING SO ADORABLE) 1664 Angus wants to try Faye's "exam", but Faye doesn't do emotions very well. Angus: "...some middle ground where you don't care about me too much but we still get to make out." Faye: "Okay, see, lines like that are like writing 'Seymour Butts' in the 'name' field on the exam." 1665 Faye "warned him what he was getting himself into. And he said that was okay… Marty's metaphorical porridge was too cold, and Sven's was too hot. Might as well see what Angus' is like." Dora: "Wait, when did you ever taste MARTEN'S porr-" (METAPHORICAL, I SAID METAPHORICAL) [SPECIALS: Nothing yet, hold yer ####in' horses] 1666 "...So the Roomba people are coming to bring them back for further study." and Mieville fly by with Pintsize hanging from his claws! Marten: "There needs to be a word for those brief moments of clarity when you realize just how profoundly weird your life is." Hanners: "I take medication to prevent those moments. Want some?" 1667 Faye: "...Would you be completely pissed at me if I went out with Angus?" Marten" "Just go on a date with him." Faye (to Pintsize) "There are WAY better options than you." Sentient sex toys? Guitars "spend most of their time discussing philosophy, actually." 1668 Dale the Pizza Delivery guy (he really shouldn't have mentioned what server he played WoW on); "NO TIPS FOR ALLIANCE SCUM!" (Yes, Marigold is Horde.) 1669 "We're tryin' to have a moment of friendship here!" (Dora's channeling Yelling Bird, apparently) Marten: "I realize there's a certain lowering of boundaries that comes with us all living together, but this is ridiculous." 1670 Dora cut and dyed her hair! Hanners thought she "was the only person who did laundry at this time of night"; Dora tends "to get really wired after sex" (TMI? No, but "my mother's new pool-boy and recent string of corporate takeovers...") 1671 What Dora and Hanners did (dyed and cut hair – "It's very... purple. And pointy?"; vacuumed and reorganized kitchen shelves; drank a bottle of wine and made a carrot cake "with cream cheese frosting!") "...and I have to be to work in ten minutes and I think I'm going to die." Hanners: "It CAN'T be a bad decision, it resulted in CARROT CAKE!" 1672 Dora can't do all-nighters anymore; Faye: "You're getting' old, spookypants... then you come in outta nowhere and drop a ####in' tactical TMI on my head." [SPECIALsIs it cold in here? in background; Dora collapsed writing them]non-sequitur of the day: "man I can't wait to get my vasectomy." 1673 Faye asks Angus over to "hang out and drink some beers and watch stupid YouTube clips." (And bring Marigold?) "FRESH ####IN' BAGELS"; Counter sign: "MISSING LLAMA: Answers to 'deathhome'(?) $$$" 1674 Marten asks Hanners about using Winslow (while Hanners is wielding a knife – whew, she's only cutting watermelon); not gonna use Pintsize because "never look at alpacas the same way again." 1675 Marigold dresses up – but has a wardrobe malfunction! (Bra strap – oh SNAP!) "Oh no, the levee broke! Warn the townsfolk downstream!" "SHUT UP AND GIVE ME YOUR SWEATER" 1676 Angus: "Why do you have a thing for me?" Marigold: "you... were NICE to me. And paid attention. Nobody's ever done that before." Angus: "You aren't an idiot... You shouldn't like a guy just because he's nice to you... what if he's only doing it so he can get in your pants?" Marigold: "I'd settle for that." (Welcome to Marigold-Land, where NOTHING ever goes the way you want it to.) 1677 Marigold: "That's all I really want, though. Somebody to be nice to me, and pay attention, and... y'know." Angus: "...are you trying to GUILT-TRIP me into making out with you?"... Marigold: "Would... would that work?" (DAMMIT MARIGOLD) 1678 The Gang's All Here! (Angus and Marigold meet Tai, Will and Penelope) No bourbon, please! Will: "A positively Homeric set of bosoms"; Penelope: "Mine had better be at LEAST Chaucerian or you're sleeping on the couch tonight." 1679 Where's Faye? "Make way for some tasty pastries!" Hanners: "PIES! Pies pies pies pies! ''We made strawberry rhubarb, apple, banana cream, and pecan!" (An absolutely ''diabolical pecan pie) "Baking is wonderful! It's like science for hungry people!" 1680 Dale delivers pizzas! (with his two other jobs). Alliance SCUM! He's got a nightelf rogue on Warsong... Marigold's at LEVEL CAP. "MariGoldFarm. Bring it." Marten: "I think they were flirting. Or fighting. Or both." (An alliance '''ROGUE?' I'm desperate, but I have SOME standards.) 1681 Turtle humping the CRAP out of a shoe (Hanners doesn't think it's funny); Angus asks for the ice pack in the freezer ("We keep that in their specifically for Fayemergencies"). Tai spills the beans: "Faye and Angus totally have the hots for each other." (Oh, great, where's Marigold's hard reset button?; Hanners: "Marigold? Marigold, are you there?") 1682 Tai apologizes, Dora blames Marten, volunteers to go talk to her; "Just try and make it through the night without saying anything else stupid, okay?" (''NEVER tell a woman she looks fat in a skirt...) Marten: "Can I borrow that ice pack for a minute? My sense of humor got the best of me." 1683 Dora tells Marigold the truth about Angus and Faye; "I think he was just trying not to hurt you any more." Dora promises to be up-front with her from now on; "I thought INTERNET drama was bad, but this is RIDICULOUS." (All that's missing is Goatse, which is why Pintsize was locked in the bedroom...) 1684 Dora has to be honest with Marigold: they've been talking behind her back all night... about her boobs. Cue the laugh track! 1685 Dora offers to take Marigold bra shopping; Hannelore asks if Marigold is okay – and whaddya know, she is! She doesn't know, however, if she could hangle Angus and Faye "making out or anything"; turns out they got into a fight over what music to play on the stereo – and Marten put them both in "Time Out" (aka in the same room with Pintsize! "NO TALKING!" 1686 Marigold's triumphant return; Tai apologizes; Faye and Angus come out of time-out… "IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE" (Marigold: "Should I tell them I know?" Dora: "Nah, let 'em squirm. Let's go get some pie." 1687 Marigold and Faye in the kitchen [Dark 'n Stormy's – Rum and Ginger beer]; Marigold: "Sometimes his (Angus) mouth gets ahead of his brain. But he's not a bad guy." Faye: "I know. It's not like I'm the easiest person in the world to get along with, either…" "So you're not REALLY mad at him?" "No, not really… Wait, what the hell was that about?" 1688 Total Sucker Rule violation: (Marten) "You know how it's generally a good rule of thumb that you don't wanna be the drunkest person at a party?... old adage in poker that 'if you can't tell who the sucker at the table is, it's you.'" (Will) "Ergo, if you can't tell who the most inebriated person at the party is… It's you." (cut to a pantsless Tai on Marigold's lap); Hanners: "It bothers me that I'm becoming inured to this." 1689 Tai passed out again (Hanners doesn't want her up by her again!) Marten: "I'll go check the dishwasher for her pants."; Angus apologizes for the music thing; Marigold gives Faye the silent handshake… (Marten: "I found a pair of pants in the dishwasher, but they're not Tai's." Dora: "Those are mine. Does… does she think she's cleaning?" Hannelore: "I'll go check the laundry machines for your dishes.") Faye: "Oh $#!+ She knows" 1690 Yelling Bird and Sweetits celebrate Jeph's 30th… with bottle rockets? [Altered strip! Altered strip!] 1691 Marigold and Angus have a talk on the way home; "I kinda spent the whole time fighting with Faye." "...I asked Faye and she said she wasn't REALLY mad at you." "Wait, what, she told you that? (pause) I mean, sure, great, but whatever. Psh." (Marigold giggles) 1692 Hannelore brings over some pie for Marigold (Banana Cream!); Marigold's over it now; tastes Hannelore's pie! "And hey, at least I finally kissed a boy. (Ooooh!) He totally touched my boob, too." (OOOOH!) 1693 "Kinda scratchy. They have stubble." Marigold gets a bit frustrated: "these friggin' Alliance morons keep trying to PvP me!" – one of them, however, is DALE (Scary shiny glasses!) "No. Leave her. This one has... potential." 1694 Tai awakes to showerus interruptus. "So that's why you're always ten minutes late to work in the morning." 1695 Marten calls it even ("considering that time I interrupted you in the break room with that hippie chick"); Tai wants to join Steve shopping with Steve and Cosette (?); Tai: "I figure, you attract hot chicks like moths to a flame. Eventually ONE of 'em is gonna be into ladies." Perhaps Tai should use Marty's urine like a deer hunter? 1696 Marigold notices it's 8:00 AM; how long has Hanners been awake? ("I dunno. A coupld days?... No no, I'm fine! I can stay up for a few more houu''uurrrrsssss....")blurry special effects "Okay, everything went melty for a second there, but that means I've got at least couple hours before total psychosis. Let's go get breakfast!" 1697 Cosette (still on crutches) doesn't like her new haircut ("I DIDN'T WANT my bangs andy shorter!"); Marten's mom snipped one of his ears – and Tai caught something else with clippers (she was trimming "downstairs", see...) Marten: "Chuck Palahniuk meets the Vagina Monologues." 1698 Cosette gets her cast off tomorrow; she wants to buy some new "cute skinny jeans" – but Tai sees a problem: "Wait, how are you gonna try on skinny jeans if you've still got the cast on?" Facepalm! Tai: "Would it be bad form if I tried on some new pants?" Marten: "I wouldn't risk it. She might hit you with a crutch." 1699 Will Be Persecuted Cosette gets a different response from Steve ("Sexy!") and Marten ("Nice.") about her top – "Really? You like it?" "Uh... yeah? It looks good." Steve: "DUDE!" "What?!" 1700 Cosette (with a flannel top): "What about this one?" Steve: "Ask Marten, since his opinion is the only one you actually CARE about." facepalms "I saw you blush when he said you looked nice!" TINIEST BIT SMILEY vs. TINIEST BIT JEALOUS; enter Tai (Too "Menial Laborer"?) – "Sorry dude, I've got the right parts but a 'tooootally different' instruction manual." (Is he ALWAYS this childish? "Shh, if he hears us talking he might think we're planning to go FORNICATE.") 1701 Steve (while eating C'thulu Cookies) "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I was being stupid." Cosette: "...I'm not interested in any onther guy. I'm not gonna jump Marten's bones just 'cause he says he likes my shirt." Marten (obvious sass mode): "Are you SURE about that? Because that shirt looked very... VERY... good on you." Cosette: "I can't help myself! Take me! Take me now!" "Baby, you just punched your ticket on the Marten-train to Orgasm-town." (beat) "Seriously, make sure you get off the train at Orgasm-town. The next five stops are all in Bitter-Recrimination-ville, and that's a really bad neighborhood." (Cosette can't stop laughing) Steve: "If you guys keep making fun of me, I'm not gonna share any of my cookies." Tai: "I promise not to seduce your girlfriend if I get a cookie!" 1702 Angus sees Marigold and Hannelore emerge – into double entendre city! "It sure sounded like you were 'enjoying yourselves'." (Cue a horrified/blushing Marigold in the background) "...It's hard to be quiet when you're that excited..." (and then I just carried away, you know?) "I'm impressed you were able to keep up with her all night like that." (My butt is all sore!) "HANNELORE, he's IMPLYLING – " "No! Don't say it! You'll break the spell!" "My favorite part was when you took on those four guys at once! And then that giant dog!" 1703 Marigold and Faye "talk": "I'm sorry about Angus..." "I'm not, um, mad or anything... If you guys like each other, then I shouldn't, uh, get in the way."; "So... we're cool? Everything's cool?" "Uh huh." "Okay, great. So fill me in – does he have any, like, weird habits or creepy fetishes I should know about? Closet full of doll parts or cat skulls or anything?" (Hanners: "Aren't you glad Marten doesn't have anything like that in HIS closet?" Dora: "How do YOU know that?") [Wait – the blackboard is ''blank????] 1704 Dora just realized – none of the CoD Baristas are single anymore. Faye: "What're you talking about? I'm still single." Pen: "You're already on that flight path, you're not gonna switch airports at the last minute." Dora: "CoD is no longer run by a band of bitchy bachelorette baristas." Customer: "Is there, like, a waiting list for the next time you hire a cute single girl?" Dora: "NO there is NOT a – " Faye: "$500 to get on the list - $250 now and $250 when you hook up with her. Ask us about our Refurbished Starbucks Employee program!" (Pen: "a finishing school only we teach the OPPOSITE of social graces.") [SPECIALS: Banana Mocha, Banana Brownies, Banana Bread, We have too many bananas] 1705 Dora does need to hire more people. Faye: "You'll have gray hair by the time you hit thirty! Not that any of us will know." Refurbished Starbucks Employees! (Not so much "refurbishing" as "brainwashing") Stockholm Syndrome works for Apple employees! (No, that's Stock OPTIONS Syndrome.) Pen would prefer stock options to free coffee. 1706 Dora's been working 60 hour weeks (Ouch!); Cosette's looking for a new job (she's sick of the ice cream place); Steve can vouch for her! Dora: "I need to know if she's a reliable employee, not how good she is in bed." Steve: "She's goal-oriented, good at staying on-task, takes direction well but readily displays her own initiative..." (CAN WE NOT DISCUSS THIS IN PUBLIC) Tai: "Hey, Cosette, want me to proofread your resume?" 1707 Hanners in a suit – "You wanna work here? facepalm ...it's just... it's a bad idea to hire your friends. You can't TREAT them as your friends when they work for you, they have to be your EMPLOYEES. And that can ruin your relationship." (B-but... you're friends with Faye and Penelope...) "Meh, $&#* 'em both." ("We love you too, Fearless Leader." "Even though you're a tremendous, dripping hate #&^%") [Dora Coffee Of Doom T-shirt!; SPECIALS: Yak butter in everything!] 1708 Faye thinks she'd be a fine employee ("uh, fastidious"); "And you think you can handle being covered with coffee grounds and really sweaty and having to take out the trash and stuff?... Okay, okay. I'll bring you on part-time. Come in tomorrow morning for training." EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'EE' EE E'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EE E'EEEEEEEEEE'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ("It's resonating in my fillings!" "Oh god! Make it stop!" "What the #&!! Is going on?! There's like fifteen dogs outside trying to get in!") [7 kHz @ 120 dB, by the way] 1709 "Marten Marten MARTEN! I got the job! I GOT THE JOB!" (Mieville gets tossed aside) "Coffee of Doom! I'm gonna be working there part-time! I go in for training TOMORROW!" (Wow, what brought this on?) Happy Hannelore Hugging! (pause of realization) "Th-that was okay to do, right? I mean, normal people hug each other sometimes, like when they're really happy about something?" (Yeah, it's fine. Congratulations!) "I'm making so much progress today! Maybe I'm finally ready to try TACO BELL!" ("Whoa whoa whoa, let's not get ahead of ourselves" – and Marten means it.) 1710 Cosette got her cast off, and she has her resume! "Is there a problem?" Dora: "Every place you've ever worked at has closed. Fondue Hut closed after the health code violation. Mambo Juice closed when they caught the owner embezzling. Video Hut sold out to Blockbuster, which is now going out of business itself." (Coincidence! "Besides, the ice cream place I worked at is still in business!) Faye: "You didn't hear? The cops shut it down this morning. Apparently the guy running it was sellin' weed out the back." Dora: "I don't believe in curses, but you're also not gonna see me walking under a ladder while holding a black cat." (Would that cancel out?) Cosette: "I have a briefcase under my bed my boss told me never to open. I guess the police would probably like to see it." 1711 GUEST STRIP (Dave Shabet): Hannelore tries the Psychonut Chai Latte 1712 GUEST STRIP (Becky & Frank, Tiny Kitten Teeth): Will "edits" Pintsize's proposition 1713 GUEST STRIP (Rene Engstrom): Sven shows HIS fly organ... or not. 1714 GUEST STRIP (Lucid TV): Faye, Angus and Marten get "possessed" 1715 GUEST STRIP (Randy Milholland, Something*Positive): Yelling Bird & Rippy The Razor in "A Night On The Town!" 1716 Claire Witch Project! (There, I said it.) Penelope: "This is idiotic. There's no such thing as CURSES, she just had bad luck." Claire: "Young lady, you may not share my belief system but I'll kindly ask you to respect it in my presence." Dora: "She raises champion wolfhounds for living. She makes more money in a month than you (Faye) do in two years. Somehow I don't think she'd be interested." "Young lady, my tea?"Pen: "Aagh! Y-yes ma'am!" 1717 Claire looks at Cosette's scalp... then into her eyes... then: "Okay. Wash your hair every other day with this. DON'T WASH IT OTHERWISE. And put this cream on your face every night before you go to bed. She's not cursed. But that dye job has fried her hair and she's got awful skin." Cosette: "Th-this is DOG SHAMPOO!" Faye: "And doggy butt-cream!" 1718 Cosette got the job! (Cheesecake, anyone?) Steve: "That's great, but what are you doing to your hair?" She has to re-dye it for work: "Faye was complaining about there being 'too many blondes at the coffee shop.'... 'crypto-flaxen conspiracy'... then Penelope threw a ladle at her head. It sorta went downhill from there." Faye: "That throw was AMAZING!" Penelope: "Could you show me how to do that judo-hold you put me in?" (Dora mumbles something about " start robbing convenience stores") 1719 Hanners can't wait to start her new job! Faye likes to have her "morning bowel movements in peace and quiet." (Hanners puts on headphones and lights some scented candles to remove herself from the experience as much as possible.) 1720 Dora lays down the law about employment to Hanners and Cosette... "Oh, for Christ's sake, don't look at me like I'm Joseph ####ing Stalin. It's a friggin' coffee shop. Don't show up drunk or high and try not to #### up too much and you'll be fine." Faye: "Seriously, how the hell would I'' still be employed if she were that much of a hardass?" 1721 Faye works with the new girls on their "contempt-faces"; Cosette's a natural; Hanners looks like she's about to cry (wolves on a moose?); more HAUTEUR – "Like some filthy peasant got blood on the wheel of your carriage and then had the GALL to complain that you ran him over." Dora: "They don't even know how to make ''DRINKS yet!" Faye: "I know, I'm prioritizing." [SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY OF QC!] 1722 Hannelore made her first latte ("Wow, that was easy!"); Cosette, on the other hand... "Sorry! Sorry, sorry! Aiee!" PFFFFFSSHH... (Dora and Cosette are coated with espresso and foamed milk) Hannelore: "Man, I make a really good latte!" 1723 Angus "hazes the rookie"! ("Gimme a half-caf soy no foam latte, not too hot, with a s hot of vanilla and a dusting of nutmeg, fresh-ground only, please. Make it a medium, but put it in a large to-go cup.") Cosette: "The contempt-face isn't working. What do I do?" Faye: "This one's a special case. I recommend the 9-iron." 1724 Angus: "Is that HANNELORE running the espresso machine?... Wow, I never would've expected her to do that." Faye: "Me neither. People are fulla surprises." (pause) HE KISSES HER!?!?!!!!1111!!!!!!1 ''(Cosette: "Should we, uh, do something?" Dora: "Nothing we can do. He's got the tiger by the tail. If we separate them now she might kill him." 1725 '''ANGUS IS STILL ALIVE! (Faye's a bit disheveled, though.) "Okay, before you beat me to death, lemme just say that it seemed like a good idea at the time. (I. Uh.) ...If you're NOT gonna murder me, would you like to go out to dinner tonight?"(Um) Dora: "She'd love to. Her favorite place is that little Italian joint by where the copy shop used to be... (Nuh) Grunt once if you gotta pee, twice if it's a number two situation." (Muh) (Hanners: "That's... that's not part of '''''our job, right?") 1726 Angus finally finds out that Marigold knows: "I know you like Faye. It's okay... I wish you'd told me sooner. Then I wouldn't have gotten the wrong idea." Angus: "Jesus, everything's''' going my way today. I should go buy some lottery tickets." Marigold: "No, no, you should play my WoW character! You could get me some '''sweet random drops!" 1727 Hannelore has coffee shop performance anxiety! Marten: "Yeah, like, the first time I ever played guitar in front of people? IMPOSSIBLE to maintain an erection." [No specials on the board!] 1728 Faye: "Skirt or pants? Skirt, or pants?" Marten: "Hey, I hear someone's got a date tonight." "Can you believe I'm actually nervous? (It's her first "actual date" since "before Dad died.") I figure, 30% chance I get too freaked out and bolt, 30% we end up fighting, and 30% it goes fine." (What's the last 10%? Pintsize: "ANAL") 1729 Yelling Bird: "Poor Lil' Jephy McBitchtits has himself a nasty widdle 'head cold' and can't do a comic tonight." 1730 Sayonara, Shelby-Sensei! [Shelby knocks both Yelling Bird AND Anime Sweetits into the next century: "The joke is that I really like Koji Kumeta's comics, and that Shelby enjoys punching things, I guess?"] 1731 The Fight to the Death! Marten" Before you go out with Faye, you must prove yourself worthy by defeating me in single combat!" Angus: "Very well! I accept your challenge!" (slap-fight ensues) Faye: "It's like a pathetic, real-life Scott Pilgrim." (Pintsize: "Scott Pilgrim ISN'T REAL?!") 1732 What, you'd seriously want me to fight him? Faye: "I think every lady likes to think she's got a little bit of Helen of Troy in her, you know?" Angus: "If you liked it then you shoulda had a war for it..." 1733 Return of the Alphabet Trick! Angus: "Just lemme get this condom on and I'll do it in Morse code." (awkward pause) Faye: "Can we end this line of conversation? You're putting me off my gnocchi." 1734 What did you wanna be when you were a kid? Faye: "I was always into art, but I don't think I'll ever be a huge success or anything. I'm content to just do it in my spare time, I think." Angus: "I've always wanted to be a comedic actor. TV or movies, that sort of thing... I tried for a few small parts after I got outta college, but nothing really panned out. Then I got my current gig and moved up here. It's not EXACTLY what I wanna be doing, but it's close enough..." Faye: "Well, here's to compromise, then." Angus: "May we be able to look back on our lives when we're old and say, "Meh, good enough, I guess." 1735 Angus' guilty musical pleasure: "...James Taylor." Faye: "...Toto." Angus" "You... like... TOTO?!" (Not ALL their stuff! Just... just some songs.) "No, you don't understand, I... on the count of three, we each say our favorite Toto song. Ready?" (Y-yeah...) "One, two..." [Both say "'AFRICA'"''] (pause – then ''SMOOCHES!) 1736 Ah, love! Faye opts out of coming upstairs, since she has to work in the morning – but she can't go: "If I'm gonna leave, you need to let go of my bottom." (Aw!) 1737 Marten: "How'd the big date go?" [Marten's reading Guitar Porn, while Pintsize is reading PC World – with a centerfold?] Faye: "What's your favorite Toto song?" "Uh, Rosanna, I guess. Why?" (Faye gives his hair a tousle) "G'night." (Pintsize insists "IT'S 'HOLD THE LINE' YOU ####S") 1738 Meanwhile, for Angus, it's DANCE TIME! (And this time, Marigold joins him ''for the celebratory dance...) "So, the date went well?" "DWAH!" Momo falls over after pirouetting on the couch 1739 "Hey Dora?" (sleeping) "What? TOTO? Man, #### Toto. Toto SUCKS. Lemme go back to sleep." [''And the long, awkward silence of the night begins.] 1740 Panic Attack in the Dark! "I r-really LIKE him! And- and I know he's not gonna up and leave or die or anything but I'm so SCARED and I don't know WHY!" Marten (hugging Faye on couch): "It's okay, it's okay. Everything's gonna be fine. Angus really likes you and he's a good dude and it's gonna be fine, I promise." Faye: "...Marten?" "Y-yes?" "Could you, like, shift your position? You're, uh, kinda pokin' outta your boxers a little.' (DAAH!) [Alternate versions available!] 1741 "Ain't the first boxer mishap I've been witness to." (Okay...how're you feeling?) "Better. Less freaked out. I mean, still freaked out, but LESS." (That's good. I'm really happy for you and Angus. I don't wanna see you screw this up.) "I'm... excited about it." [Platonic hug – on couch] "Thank you for bein' my friend, Marten." (Of course!) [ENTER DORA] Marten: "I... I hate to be cliché but this isn't what it looks like." Dora: "I don't even know WHAT this looks like, but it isn't good." Faye: "Just when I thought I was out of panic-adrenaline..." 1742 "And you DIDN'T THINK to maybe PUT SOME PANTS ON? (I was...) So you just decided to SNUGGLE UP ON THE COUCH IN YOUR UNDERWEAR. (We weren't SNUGGLING!...) Can you NOT SEE how I might find this A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE?! (it isn't how it... the LAST thing on my mind...)(to Faye) Don't come in to work tomorrow. (to Marten) And don't come back to bed tonight." 1743 The Aftermath; "Oh my god, this is all my fault." "No it isn't. She's just in F###ing Crazy Mode for some reason... Of course I'm mad! She's being ridiculous. Whatever. I'm going for a walk." (You, uh, don't have any pants on.) [''Facepalm!](Faye breaks out the jeans and the Hello Kitty belt...) 1744 Faye goes postal (and breaks the latch on Marten's door!); "I wasn't f###ing cuddling him! I just needed someone to talk to! If YOU'D answered the door it woulda been YOU insteada Marty. An' I bet you wouldn'a been wearin' pants either! I spent like an HOUR making out with Angus tonight. That's what I was freaking out about! Why the #### would I turn around and do anything with MARTEN? Do you really think I'd DO that?! (I... I just...) I don't know what's going on in that crazy purple head of yourse, but you better get in check before you #### EVERYTHING up. (pause) If you haven't already." 1745 Marten found someone to talk to: "...I can understand being UNCOMFORTABLE with the fact that we were huggin' in our underpants, but there was a perfectly good explanation... One minute she's cool, the next she's FREAKING OUT. It's apparently okay for HER to get all flirty with other girls but if one so much as BREATHES on me it's f'in ARMAGEDDON. Every one of our fights has been about her crazy insecurity. I'm just so tired of trying to convince her that, yes, I'm ACTUALLY HAPPY WITH HER... So I don't know WHAT to do. What do you think?" SVEN: "Was Faye wearing a bra?..." (I knew I shoulda kept walking when you said "hey.") 1746 Where is this coming from? Sven: "The 'Chill and understanding' thing is an act. She's a mess underneath it all... first dude she's ever dated who wasn't a complete douchebag? ...Real Alpha-Goth types. Treated her like $#!+, cheated on her, the works. She's never been in a really healthy relationship." (You coulda filled me in on all this when I first started dating her, y'know.) "Yeah, and you coulda slid the Cliff's Notes on Faye under my door, too. So I guess we're even." 1747 Marten: "Man, I love Faye, but there's no WAY a Cliff's Notes on her would fit under a door." Sven: "...my building does have a loading dock out back... Go easy on her, okay? She's a good kid." (How've you been? Haven't "talked since the thing with you and Faye went down.") "Oh, you know... writin' songs, playin' video games. The usual. Oh hey, if you know any cute single girls.. (meaningful pause for self-reflection) Actually, you should probably keep them away from me. See ya." (What is ''with everyone tonight? ...some kinda f'in angst solstice?) 1748 [Dora's sitting, curled up on the couch] Dora: "Are you gonna break up with me?" Marten: "What? No!" D: "I'm sorry I flipped out on you again." M:"It's okay. I mean, it's something we've gotta fix. But it's okay... I just wish you'd listened to the explanation before you blew up." D: "So you're not mad at me?" M: "No. But in the interest of full disclosure..." (she saw his junk through his boxers, and he's wearing her pants right now...) D: "Sweetie, I love you, but if I'm gonna work on being less of a crazy bitch you HAVE to work on your sense of timing." M: "Deal." 1749 Marten: "How come you never told me you've never had a healthy relationship?... I ran into (Sven) on my walk." Dora: "I've had... well, I mean, they weren't the BEST, but I was YOUNG, I didn't know what I was looking for in a guy! (why she's so insecure about Marten?) I don't know. You ARE the first genuinely nice guy I've ever been with. Maybe I'm subconsciously expecting you to be an a-hole like everyone else... I'm still the stupid mess I've always been." M: "You're not a mess. We've all got our hang-ups. We can fix this. I love you." D: "I love you, too." [Side Hugs!] Pintsize: "LESS TALKING, MORE HOT MAKE-UP SEX" M: "GET OUT." D: "Good suggestion, though." 1750 "Sorry about last night... We had a long talk, and I'm gonna try and be more open about stuff. We'll see if that helps." (So everything's cool? You and Marty are fine, and I can come into work and stuff) "Yeah." (I was worried our entire social circle was gonna implode all 'cause I didn't put on some goddamn PANTS. ) "To be fair, you weren't wearing a bra, either."